Hurts so good
by fagwhisperer
Summary: There's a special tension between Stiles and Derek, but Stiles would not admit to it. Not exactly non-con but can contain triggers. Don't like don't read. Set in the timeframe between S2 and S3. Not very canonical, but has it's moments.
1. Chapter 1

**Derek and Stiles have a weird relationship. Stiles is scared most of the time when he's around Derek.**

* * *

There was always a special tension in the room whenever Derek was around. He was a little intimidating but that came with the territory. After all, the guy was a werewolf. He could rip your throat out in seconds and also possibly make sure that your body would never be found.

The only problem was that Stiles wanted to hang out with him. There were no real reason for this. Not anything that he would admit to anyway. Not even to himself. Derek with his broody look and his almost total lack of social skills was really not that easy to be around.

Being accepted among the werewolves was rather exciting but it was kind of scary also. Stiles had a constant fear that one day, one or more of them would turn on him and attack. Scott would probably not be able to save him if that happened.

If that day came, he hoped that he'd be mauled by an alfa. Stiles had no desire to become a werewolf, but being dead didn't have much appeal either. All things considered, being one of them would make it all easier. Although he was really content with being human.

He knew that Derek tried to look out for him, and it was nice to know. Derek was clear about how difficult it could be. He'd often warned Stiles about being too outspoken or enter into situations that could injure or even kill him. Stiles found it kind of cute that he was so protective, but didn't really know if he could trust him one hundred percent.

The weird and sometimes puzzling relationship Stiles had with Derek had taught him that the guy could be a little erratic from time to time. Sometimes, Derek did his best to scare the crap out of Stiles. With his sinister look and brute force Derek had many times made Stiles see his life flash before his eyes in confrontations with the guy. And yet, deep down in Derek's eyes, Stiles could see care and concern.

Knowing that Derek cared for him in some odd and freaked out way was somewhat comforting. At the same time, it was disturbing because most of the time Stiles was still terrified by the guy.

These conflicting feelings reached their peek every time Derek needed Stiles' help. He would never just ask nicely. He was always demanding, and it didn't seem like he expected Stiles to refuse. Of course Stiles tried, but deep down he knew that there was nothing he could do. Throwing out a witty remark in a futile attempt to sound tough didn't cut it.

Stiles thought back in horror of that night when Derek asked him to cut his arm off. Scrub that. He didn't ask, he demanded. Wrong again. With actual death threats he forced Stiles to lower that saw onto the arm.

The fact that Scott came in and saved the day – or night – didn't prevent Stiles from having nightmares about it long after.

-o-o-o-

A tap on his window made Stiles moan in irritation. He was tired and didn't want anything to interrupt his sleep. Another tap woke him up completely, and with confusion he stared at the window. It was still dark outside and the nightlight by his bedside distorted the view. He could only see the reflection of the lamp and a blurred imaged of his own face in the pane of the window.

The next sound wasn't a gentle tap. An image of a hand clenched into a fist banging on the window appeared from the outside. Seconds later it was gone, and his own startled face stared back at him.

Stiles turned the light off and rolled out of bed before he hesitantly padded across the room. It was pitch black out there. It was like the world was gone and he was staring into a black hole. Normally, there would be some kind of light source out there to give some visibility, but not now. Stiles guessed that the nearest street light must have broke or something. He knew it should have been a half moon on the sky but the forecast had said it would be a cloudy night.

With his face close to the pane, he tried to get his eyes used to the darkness and see who was out there. He figured it could be Scott, but that would be weird. Scott would always text him before he came knocking.

Suddenly, a bloody hand was splayed out on the outside of the pane. Stiles hurried to unlatch the clasp of the window and pushed it open. He didn't know what to expect, but whoever was out there was in some serious trouble.

Seconds later Stiles was on his back when a big ball of black and red hit him as Derek practically dived in through the opening. "I need help," the guy gasped out the moment he landed on the floor next to Stiles.

From his position, Stiles reached out to turn on the lamp again, and what he saw when he was done blinking from the sudden light was disturbing.

Derek's clothes were ripped and torn and blood was seeping out from several cuts on his body. He was shaking and it looked like he was about to pass out. Stiles crawled backwards and looked at Derek in horror. "Heal thyself!" he uttered, knowing that it was probably the lamest thing to say right now. Okay, maybe not the lamest thing, but surely among the top ten.

Derek dug his nail into the carpet and whimpered like a sick puppy. Stiles almost laughed at his own comparison, but he braced himself. "What can I do? What happened?" He moved a little closer and looked at the scratch on Derek's hand. "Why aren't you healing."

Derek closed his eyes, and for a moment, Stiles worried that he would actually pass out. "Wolfsbane." the word came out as a huff. "I need to rinse it off." Derek rolled over on his back and hitched his breath. "Fast."

Stiles didn't know where he got the strength from, but he managed to haul Derek out of his room, through the hall, and into the bathroom. He was happy that his father was working the night shift because this would have been hard to explain.

With Derek spread out on the tiled floor, Stiles tiptoed a little nervously around him. He should probably try to get his clothes off, but since Derek was floating in and out of consciousness, he couldn't expect his help.

He looked at the shower and gave it a thought before he made his decision. Stiles turned the water on, and when it had a comfortable temperature, he dragged the almost lifeless body into the shower. Stiles himself got drenched in the process, but he didn't care.

He pulled the shower-head off its clasp and started to systematically run it over Derek's body. Every wound that he could see through the rips in his clothes got cleaned up. A few flower petals floated on the water that was running towards the drain. Stiles picked them up and threw them in the toilet. He made sure to flush them before he continued on his task.

It didn't take long before Derek started to wake up. Stiles was leaning over him – water dripping from his face – while he with his fingers tried to wash out the gash on the guy's leg. As he was watching the wound started to close by itself and before he knew it there wasn't even a visible scar.

Stiles was about to move away when Derek grabbed his wrist. "Thank you. I owe you." He let his hand fall down again, and with a huff, he moved away from the streaming water. Stiles got up and turned it off before he put the shower head back.

Derek's jacket was probably ruined. His shoes could obviously not be saved either. Stiles realized that he could have done this in a little different manner. He could at least have tried to get that leather jacket off.

Standing in the middle of the floor looking down at a soaking wet Derek, he started laughing uncontrollably. He knew it was because he was nervous. This situation was not particularly comfortable.

Derek cocked his brow and looked at him curiously. "Are you crazy? This is not funny." Scrambling to his feet, he threw a peek over his shoulder that made Stiles laughter stop short in his throat. There was a flash of red in those eyes that made Stiles' heart skip a beat or two.

"I didn't mean to. Sorry. I'm nervous. You owe me. Please don't kill me. I'm a good guy. I helped you. I didn't need to. Please." Stiles could hear his own voice reach an uncomfortable high pitch. He tried to compose himself somewhat as he walked backwards to get away from Derek. He took a deep breath and tried to speak calmly. "I did what you asked. Now you can go on your merry way and leave me alone." He exited and ran down the hall to his room where he dived into bed and huddled under the covers.

He expected Derek to follow him, but for several minutes nothing happened. Stiles sighed and peeked at the door. The quietness was very disturbing. Derek had been drenched to the bone, and it would be very uncomfortable for him to go out in the chilly night soaking wet. If Derek was back to his full powers he could get home quickly so it was still a possibility that he'd left already. Stiles felt sightly disappointed. The guy could at least have showed some gratitude.

Under the blanket, Stiles suddenly realized that he too was soaked. He gave it another couple of minutes before he rolled himself out of bed and hurried towards his closet. He was on alert as he pulled out new linens, and when he moved towards the bed again, he could see the doorknob turning.

"I'm gonna scream!" Stiles tried to find something to defend himself with, but Derek was back to his old self. The second the door opened, he moved across the room in a flash and grabbed Stiles by his throat. "You're not. And don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you." He held on and it was somewhat difficult to breathe. "Okay." Stiles croaked out. "Promise?"

Derek let go and left Stiles heaving. "You scare me. I just want to be left alone. Why are you still here?" He tried to act casual as he started to pull the wet sheet off his bed. Derek sighed and threw his hands out. "It's cold outside. I need dry clothes."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "We've been through this before. None of my clothes fit you. I don't know what to do." He's eyes grew wide when Derek started to undress in front of him. "What are you doing? I have nothing that'll fit you. There's no point."

Derek scoffed. "You have a dryer? Just..." He was only in his boxers and when he started to pull them down too Stiles jumped in front of him. "Sure, sure, but please." He forced the clean sheet into Derek's arms. "If you're gonna undress completely, at least cover yourself up."

When Stiles was in the laundry room tucking the clothes into the dryer, he couldn't help himself thinking about the fact that Derek was naked in his room. So okay, he was wrapped in a sheet, but he had no clothes on. Stiles got scared by his own reaction to this. The little twitch of his cock inside his still damp pajama pants almost made him squirm.

While doing his best to force away the image in his head, he undressed and threw his own clothes in too. In a basket with clean clothes, he found a pair of boxer-shorts and pulled them on before he reluctantly went back to his room.

Derek was sitting on the bed with his back leaning against the headboard. He looked comfortable and Stiles could almost see a smile tugging his lips. He had to blink to make sure that he didn't just imagine it. Derek didn't smile very often. The only facial expression he had that could remotely resemble a smile was when he curled his lips into a sneer. This time it actually looked like a smile.

Getting in bed now was out of the question. Stiles padded over to the desk and turned on the computer. He needed a distraction. "Will you tell me what happened." He turned to Derek as he waited for the computer to boot.

The bedside lamp didn't provide much light, but Stiles could have sworn that Derek blushed when he got the question. "Did you get in a fight or something? Those wounds... it looked like a big cat had played with you. They were all over the place."

Derek looked away, and now, there wasn't a hint of doubt anymore. The guy was actually blushing. Stiles had been curious the moment Derek fell through his window, but now the curiosity reach a new peek. "Oh, please tell me. I helped you. I saved your life. You almost choked me. Hey! And you owe me."

Knowing that it didn't matter how far away from Derek he was – the guy could get to him in a second anyway – he still felt more comfortable on the other side of the room. Derek turned to him slowly. "Come here then." He patted the mattress and gestured for Stiles to sit down. Stiles hesitated. "Why? You scare me. Why would I want to sit that close to you?"

A lopsided smile appeared for a split second before Derek sighed. "If you wanna know." He patted the mattress again. "I'm not gonna... You're safe. It's okay." Stiles noticed that Derek didn't really promise that he wouldn't hurt him, but still he crossed the floor and sat down on the other edge of the bed. "Okay. I'm here. Spill." He turned a little so that he could see Derek, but he didn't move any closer.

Derek rubbed his forehead and scoffed a little. "I was sitting on a rooftop over there." He gestured towards the window. "I was contemplating on paying you a visit." Now he stared directly at Stiles as he was waiting for some kind of response. When Stiles just widened his eyes in surprise, Derek continued. "I don't know why."

Several minutes of silence followed, and Stiles furrowed his brows. Something was off. He couldn't think of any reason why Derek wanted to come here. "Unless..." Stiles thought and felt a shiver down his spine. Not knowing what would be the best thing to do at the moment, his brain suddenly detached itself from the rest of his body and he crawled further onto the bed and sat next to Derek. "You don't know why? That's just a bunch of crap."

Derek looked away again and let his eyes pan the room. "How long till my clothes are dry?" His tongue darted out of his mouth and ran over his lips. Stiles almost choked. "That was deliberate." He thought as he looked down to see if the reaction was visible. It was not. The boxer-shorts were a little oversized, and they were bunched up over the crotch.

"Don't even try. You were gonna tell me what happened. Don't get me sidetracked." He gave Derek a gently nudge on the shoulder thinking it might encourage him to keep going.

"I slipped. The roof was wet." Derek was now staring into the ceiling and Stiles could almost feel the heat from the bright red face next to him. "So you slipped, big deal. But the wounds?" Stiles wished that there could have been a little scar he could have traced with his finger. The urge to touch Derek was overwhelming, extremely scary and disturbing.

"One of your neighbors has a very messy yard." Derek lifted his hands to his face and covered his eyes. "Who the hell keeps car parts and barbed wire piled up behind their house?" He used the heels of his hands to rub his eyes hard. "And then they let wolfsbane grow wild between it all."

Stiles could see the scenario in his head, and before he could stop himself, he busted out laughing. It didn't take more than a split second before Derek's hand covered his mouth. "Stop now or I will break my promise to not hurt you."

It would only take a little twist of Derek's hand to actually break Stiles' neck. His mouth, with teeth – not so much wolf's teeth at the moment but that could change quickly – was inches away from Stiles' neck. Needless to say, the urge to laugh was gone as quickly as it had appeared. The slight arousal Stiles had felt sitting next to Derek was not gone, though. On the contrary. Stiles eyes rolled back in his head as his cock got fully erect in an instant.

Derek didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on Stiles' and he was clearly oblivious to what went on in the lower regions. When Derek moved his hand from Stiles' mouth giving him a threatening look, Stiles hitched his breath and closed his eyes. "Mm, I wonder? Why would you want to visit me?" He managed to keep his voice somewhat steady even if his inside felt like a trembling mess.

Nothing could have prepared Stiles for what happened next. He knew it would have been possible to expect it, but it still came as lightning from a clear blue sky. Within a second, Stiles was on his back with Derek hovering over him. The next second he had a pair of lips on his and Derek's tongue working to get an invite to enter Stiles' mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Some violence. Borderline Coercion. Approach with caution.**

* * *

While Stiles tried to recover from the ambush, he felt a hand trailing down his stomach and easing itself under the waistband of his shorts. Stiles opened his mouth in sheer terror. Derek seized the opportunity and forced his tongue inside kissing him with an intensity that took the breath right out of him.

The total lack of experience made Stiles freeze up, and he was totally unable to reciprocate the kiss. Another issue was that Derek's hand was wrapped tightly around Stiles' cock, making it very hard to stay focused on anything.

Derek pulled back for a second, giving Stiles a chance to take a breath. "I came for this." Derek smirked and moved in for another kiss. Stiles put his hand on Derek's chest and held him back. "What? Why? What are you talking about? This is..." He sighed and tried to meet Derek's eyes.

Derek moved to lie next to Stiles. He still had his hand inside Stiles' shorts holding on to his cock and caressing the head gently with his thumb. "I have been thinking about it for weeks. Falling off the roof was a blessing in disguise. I might not have ever come." He gave Stiles a quick kiss on the cheek. "I can't promise not to hurt you."

Stiles hitched his breath and widened his eyes. "No! What? Wait! You can't just force yourself on me. You know what that is called?" He tried to keep his voice steady, but it wasn't easy. Derek scoffed. "I wouldn't dream of forcing you to do anything you don't want." He gave Stiles' dick a quick tug making a soft moan slip out of Stiles' mouth. "But you want this too. You've wanted it for a while." Another quick tug came followed by a trail of kisses down Stiles' chest.

Stiles' grabbed onto Derek's hair and pulled his head up. "I can't... I... how can you say that?" He knew it was true. It had been hard to admit, but Derek was spot on. It was still puzzling how he could know this.

"I could smell it." Derek let go of Stiles' cock and started to pull his shorts down. Without thinking Stiles lifted his butt to help out. When they were around his knees Stiles just kicked them off. Derek was still wrapped in the sheet but now he started to wiggle himself out of it. "I could hear your heart beat and even if you smelt like fear I could still sense the lust you emitted."

Derek was now untangled from the sheet, and Stiles wanted to look at him in all his naked glory, but he didn't dare to move. Actually, he couldn't move even if he wanted to. He felt almost paralyzed. Derek grabbed his hand and pulled it against his own crotch. "Come on. You have fantasized about this, haven't you? I have."

Touching Derek's dick was almost like an out-of-body-experience. Stiles kept his eyes closed, but he could see himself in his mind. Trembling fingers slowly crawling towards the shaft. Derek was guiding his hand and when it reached it's goal, Derek drew his breath quickly and let out a groan.

Stiles just stroke it gently letting his thumb ever so often touch the head. Derek didn't push him to do anything else, and Stiles was happy about that. He wouldn't have known what to do anyway. Derek was not so shy. His hands and lips was all over the parts of Stiles' body that he could reach from his position.

Never in his life had Stiles' been this aroused. It felt like he could cum at any time without having to put in any effort. As Derek moved his finger between his legs and caressed the hole back there, Stiles was gasping for air and felt his balls tighten. He was so close that it was ridiculous.

Suddenly Derek rolled over a little and reached for something on the floor. He pulled up his ruined leather jacket and sifted through the pockets soon revealing a small bottle. Stiles knew exactly what it was and started to shake uncontrollably. Derek rolled back and cupped his cheeks. "Relax. Everything will be fine, just relax."

Derek squirted some lube on his fingers and then he tucked the bottle under the pillow. While staring into Stiles' eyes, he moved his hand down Stiles' body. He stroked his cock gently with his palm making it twitch. Stiles wanted to touch himself, but he knew that he'd probably cum on the first tug. Anyway, his arms felt like lead so moving them was out of the question. Derek's hand continued on it's path and when he rubbed some of the lube onto the puckered hole, Stiles held his breath. Derek's lips on his chest distracted him somewhat, and before he knew it, he could feel a finger up his ass. It didn't hurt. Stiles got only enough time to get surprised by that fact when the finger moved and made his world shatter into pieces.

He felt his own cum hit his stomach, and got utterly embarrassed by it. He would have wanted to hold back. He felt like a twelve year old waking up from a wet dream. Derek kissed his cheek and gave him a crooked smile. "It's okay."

There was a gentleness in his voice that made tears pile up in Stiles' eyes. Derek really meant it. It was okay. Stiles managed to lift his hand off the mattress and stroke Derek's arm. "I have never... I'm..." The words got stuck in his throat when Derek moved in for a kiss. He put a hand under Stiles' neck, and lifted his head off the pillow; deepening the kiss in the process. Stiles went with it, and this time, he managed to reciprocate. His lack of experience bothered him for a second, but he grabbed on to Derek's shoulders and tried to let go of the embarrassment and awkwardness of the situation.

Without warning, Derek withdrew his arm, causing Stiles to fall back onto his pillow. He cocked his head and squinted. "Turn over." The gentle voice was gone and the words came as a raspy whisper. Again, Stiles noticed a little flash of red in Derek's eyes, and he worried for a second that the guy would turn and rip him to shreds.

Derek leaned forward and let his lips brush Stiles' neck. "He'll bite me. Tomorrow I'll wake up being a werewolf... or dead." The thoughts floated around in Stiles brains as a nibble on his earlobe made shivers go down his spine. "Turn over." Stiles could feel Derek's breath on his ear. Even fearing for his life, stupidity took over once more. "What if I don't want to? What if I'm fine like this?"

Derek's head was still tucked into the crook of his neck so Stiles couldn't see his facial expression. He startled when he heard the guy chuckle into his ear. "Stiles, Stiles. Don't be silly. You know you want it." He lifted his head and gave Stiles' shoulder a push. "Come on."

Stiles wondered what would happen if he actually got out of bed and refused to do as he was told; not that he wanted to do that. Stiles was again so hard that it hurt. Derek's intimidating demand and the fear Stiles experienced from it was extremely arousing. But then again, it was that other issue. Having a finger up his ass probably didn't qualify as giving up his virginity. What Derek was preparing for definitely was.

A slap on his ass made him lose his train of thoughts. He looked up with a frown and stared into Derek's eyes. "You hit me? That was not necessary. Do it again." Derek looked just as surprised as Stiles was when the words slipped out. "I mean..." Slowly Stiles turned over to lie on his stomach. He didn't know what to say. "Don't hurt me." The words came out on their own.

Derek let a finger trail down Stiles' spine. "I can't promise that. Sorry." A slap and an instant pain on his butt-cheek made Stiles jump. "I see. So your promises aren't worth shit." He braced himself for another slap but it didn't come. Instead Derek kneaded the flesh on his butt as he moved to sit between Stiles' legs. "I can promise you that it will be less painful if you shut up."

For a few minutes Stiles lied still and tried to stay calm and collected. Derek's hands felt good on his skin. Every so often, a finger traced the crack making Stiles shiver a little. It was all good and sweet; way too sweet in Stiles' opinion. "Hey! Did you fall asleep back there? I thought..." He got cut off by a slap so hard that he had to arch his back and let out a cry of pain. "Better?" He could hear that Derek was smirking. It was in his voice. Stiles drew his breath. "Yeah. I guess."

He got another little slap. It was almost like a caress, but the words that followed it made it more demanding. "On your knees, bitch!" Derek's voice was raspy, and Stiles hesitated for a second. "Bitch? What a nerve." He tried to turn and look at Derek, but Derek had now put his hands on Stiles' hips and pulled him up on his knees. "Yeah. You're my bitch tonight. And it's gonna hurt but it's gonna feel so good."

Derek reached his hand under the pillow and grabbed the bottle of lube. "If you want me to be gentle you shut up and don't complain." Seconds later Stiles had Derek's finger on his asshole, smearing lube around it. He could almost not keep himself up, but Derek's hand firmly placed on the front of his thigh helped a lot.

When he again felt the finger up his ass, Stiles had to bite into the pillow. He wanted to push back to get it further in, but he didn't dare to interfere. It didn't take long before he felt Derek's knuckles against the skin anyway. Slowly, Derek moved that finger in and out before he, without warning, added another. This time, a whimper escaped Stiles throat and he stuffed the corner of the pillow into his mouth to prevent a cry from coming out.

Derek took his time and twisted his fingers obviously to stretch the hole. Stiles couldn't take it any longer. He pushed back until he again could feel Derek's knuckles against the skin. "Hm, not so shy anymore?" Derek let out a growl that made Stiles tense up for a second. It sounded like a dog – or a wolf – and it scared him. Derek moved his hand from Stiles' thigh to stroke his back. "Relax. You're doing fine."

The sound of more lube being squirted out made Stiles tense up again. He was in pain but Derek was right, it also felt so good. Suddenly the stretch of the muscle became almost unbearable, and Stiles guessed that he now had three fingers up his ass. Trying to breathe with half a pillow down his throat wasn't easy, but he was pretty sure he'd wake up the whole neighborhood if he removed it.

Without any warning, Derek pulled his fingers out and leaned over letting both his hands run over Stiles' back. "You okay?" He whispered as the hands reached the butt-cheeks. Stiles could only nod, but he wasn't quite sure if he was okay. Seconds later he felt the head of Derek's cock on his hole. He did his best to relax knowing it was probably the absolute best thing to do.

He felt the pressure as Derek pushed forward, and suddenly the stretch almost made him pass out. Tears were piling up in his eyes, and even the pillow couldn't muffle the whimper that escaped. The funny thing was that the pleasure that came along with this excruciating pain gave him a high that numbed it somewhat.

Derek had promised to be gentle and he was. He moved a little back and forth, getting further in with every thrust. Stiles had to tend to his own throbbing cock before he went crazy and managed to get his hand out from under the pillow. The moment he wrapped his hand around his own member, Derek's hand covered his and together they jerked Stiles off with slow, steady moves.

Shortly before Stiles reached his climax, Derek's hand disappeared as he started to increase the pace of his thrusts. Now with his hands on Stiles' hips, he wasn't so gentle anymore; but Stiles was now so fucked out that it didn't matter. He cummed and had to get the pillow out of his mouth so he wouldn't choke on it. To avoid screaming, he bit his lip so hard he could taste blood. Suddenly, Derek slowed down again and with a howl, he released his load up Stiles' ass and dug his nails – or was it claws – into the flesh of his hips.

The moment Derek loosened the grip, Stiles fell forward. His ass felt like a crater; a sore, throbbing crater. Derek moved to lie down beside him stroking his back. Stiles didn't want to face him. He turned his head towards the other side of the bed and practically gasped for air. Derek kept caressing his back; it felt so good. Stiles could easily fall asleep like this, but he knew he had to get up and clean up before his dad came home.

"I think maybe your clothes are dry now," he said with a raspy voice. Derek's hand stopped moving on his back. "Oh, okay. You want me to go? Okay." He could feel Derek get out of bed and decided to follow his example. "I need to fix this." He pointed to the bed, and startled a little when he saw what a mess they'd made. The still damp sheet was almost all the way off. The pillow had bloodstains from Stiles' lip, and there were several bloodstains on the mattress. Stiles looked at his hips. On each side he had four small scars. They were deeper than a regular nail could have caused. Blood was still trickling out from a couple of them. Derek followed Stiles' line of view. "Oh. Sorry about that." He cocked his head and sneered. "I've marked you. You are my bitch now."

Stiles would have replied but he knew he needed to get in the shower. "I need to..." He pointed to the door and practically ran out. "What a nerve on that wolf." He thought as he tried to hit his asshole with the spray from the shower-head. "His bitch. What is he thinking? Rude and obnoxious that's what he is."

The fact was that Stiles felt surprisingly comfortable with the term. He looked at the scars and let a finger run over them. They didn't hurt that much but he knew he would have a constant reminder of this night for several days until they healed somewhat.

When he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went to the laundry room to get the clothes. Back in the room, Derek was sitting on the bed. He'd changed the sheet and the pillowcase. The blanket was hanging over a chair. "It was still wet. Not so much but I figured..." Derek threw his hands out and shrugged. "Can I use the shower?"

While Derek was in the bathroom, Stiles went and got a spare blanket from his father's room. His father would probably ask why, but it could easily be explained. Showering with his clothes on and dive into bed without changing was not what he was going to say anyway. An accident with a glass of water was more believable.

Stiles lied down and waited for Derek to come back. He didn't know what to say to him. He didn't know if there was anything to say. He was definitely not a virgin anymore, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that; if Derek had come here to get his way with him and then move on it was a little disturbing.

Derek came back and sifted through the pile of clothes. He picked up his boxers and put them on before he pulled the t-shirt over his head. As he reached for the jeans, he turned towards the bed. "When is your dad coming home?" He lifted a brow and stared at Stiles. Stiles could feel a little flutter in his stomach. "In about three hours. He'll knock to wake me up but he won't come in." Derek nodded slowly and turned back to the clothes. Stiles had hoped that Derek asked because he wanted to stay for a little bit but he'd obviously misunderstood.

Stiles rolled over on his side and tried to make himself comfortable. It surprised him when a tear ran down his temple and hit the pillow. He didn't want to get emotional about this ordeal, so he squeezed his eyes shut to prevent himself from crying.

"I can stay for a couple of hours if you want?" Derek's voice reached his ear and made his heart skip a beat. "Yeah, okay." Stiles croaked out, shifting a little to make room for Derek behind him. With Derek's arm wrapped tightly around his waist and the warmth from his body on his back, Stiles fell asleep.

When he woke up from a knock on the door, Derek was gone. Stiles sighed and looked out the window. He wondered if Derek would come back sometime; if there were a chance that this would happen again. He noticed a piece of paper on the sill and jumped out of bed. It had not been there before. He picked it up and read it. The words made him smile. "You're mine now. Expect a knock on your window. D."


	3. Chapter 3

I never intended this story to have more than two chapters, and then this happened.

* * *

**Stiles didn't see or hear from Derek for four days. He'd kept the little note Derek had left on the window sill, in his nightstand drawer.**

**"****You're mine now. Expect a knock on your window. D"**

* * *

Stiles looked at the note every night when he went to bed. He waited for that knock, but so far Derek had stayed away. He'd wondered when the guy would show but tried to not expect anything.

The first couple of days after Derek had visited his room, Stiles had been somewhat elated by the memories. He went to school and pretended that everything was the same. He wasn't sure if he could fake it, but when not even Scott questioned his behavior, Stiles was pleased with himself. Keeping secrets from his friend was not really in his nature, and with Scott's heightened senses, Stiles expected it to be difficult.

When school was over on the forth day, he found Derek in the parking lot outside school with his pack. Stiles went over to them and hoped for a smile, but Derek seemed to not notice that he was even there. It was both disappointing and relieving. Stiles didn't want anyone to know what had happened between them, and clearly Derek was of the same opinion.

It would still have been nice to get a little sign. Something that could tell him that their encounter meant something for Derek. Stiles didn't demand much. A subtle wink or a little pat on the back would have been sufficient, but Derek chose to ignore him completely. When Stiles tried to make a cheeky comment on something Derek said he cut himself off when he realized that Derek seemed to look right through him, like he wasn't even there.

Stiles wondered if the words on that piece of paper was just that – words – that they didn't mean anything. They had been somewhat comforting after what went down that night. The fact that Derek wanted to come back made it a little less sordid. Looking at Derek now, Stiles didn't feel so good about it anymore. The way he behaved at the moment was borderline annoying.

After the meeting in the parking lot Derek sort of vanished. He had disappeared before for days at the time, so this wasn't a new thing. Asking around, Stiles learned that the other werewolves didn't know where he was either. Derek's disappearance wasn't planned. Stiles didn't worry. Not at all... or maybe a little bit.

Still he waited every night for a knock on his window. Derek's evasive behavior didn't prevent him from hoping, but as days went by he started to think that it would never happen. He kept the window unlatched just in case because Derek could come back at any time.

Another week went by without a sign. The scars on his hips were healing. Stiles had worried that they could get infected – they were very deep – but except for an annoying itch they seemed to close up nicely. In a few days it would probably be only traces of them and eventually they would be unnoticeable.

There was a pinch of sadness inside him when Stiles realized that the only visible proof of that night was slowly fading away. His memories of it was still vivid and he used them for what they were worth when he jerked himself off in solitude.

It wasn't like he was in love with the guy – no way – Derek was a dude and Stiles was not gay. It was just... it was just sex. Trying to justify his own thoughts wasn't particularly easy, but he didn't have to explain it to anyone. It was what it was, and he wanted it to happen again.

The next morning at school Isaac revealed that Derek was back. Nobody knew where he'd been, but he was alive and well. Stiles felt a little flutter inside his belly, but he tried not to show how relieved he was by the news.

The day went by in a haze. Scott invited him over in the evening but Stiles made some lame excuse about a few chores he had to do. He could see that Scott got disappointed. "It's just... Allison is away and my mom is working late." Scott shrugged. "We haven't hung out much lately. The two of us, not like before."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "Not my fault. We're either crowded by a pack of wolves or I have to watch you and Allison getting way too comfy with each other." He gave Scott a crocked smile. "Rain-check, it's just that I have to..." He couldn't come up with a lie that wouldn't taste bad so he just let the sentence hang on purpose.

"Chores? I'm sure your dad will forgive you if you wait a few hours." Scott was pushy and Stiles contemplated on giving in. It was after all a Friday night. No school tomorrow and Scott would possibly have some booze stashed in his room.

He worried though. What if Derek came tonight and found the room empty? He'd be pissed off and possibly never come back. "I can come over for a couple of hours, maybe?" He couldn't meet Scott's eyes. Even if he'd technically hadn't lied yet, it was still Scott – his best friend – and it didn't feel right to keep secrets.

His room looked like a hurricane had hit it, and the pile of laundry was growing. He really had chores to do, but his dad never nagged him about them. As long as he chipped in and helped out with the general housework, Mr Stilinsky never really demanded that he'd do it at a specific time.

Scott knew this. Scott knew this very well. "Something's up. I know you too well. You can tell me." Scott gave Stiles' shoulder a nudge. "I'm here for you." Stiles drew his breath and looked up. "Scott, I'm sorry. I have been procrastinating for too long. I have no clean clothes and the vacuuming... It's my turn, and I think the dust-bunnies are lethal by now."

Scott didn't push it any further. Stiles could see that his friend knew he was making excuses, but he just gave Stiles a hug and cocked his head. "You know you can tell me anything. I will try not to take this personally."

When he came home – and to his dad's surprise – Stiles started on the chores he'd lied to Scott about. He did two loads of laundry and vacuumed almost the entire house. "Stiles? Are you sick?" Mr Stilinsky pulled the plug of the vacuum-cleaner out of the socket forcing Stiles to take a break. "It's Friday night? What's gotten in to you?"

Stiles sighed and looked down. "It's nothing. I'm just, just, I had a fight with Scott." He lifted his head a little. "It'll be fine, I'm just upset. We'll fix it in the morning, but I just needed to do something." The look he got from his father was scrutinizing. "Son!" he said and threw his hands out. Stiles worried that his father would start questioning him about it. He didn't like to lie to his dad either. "I understand, but I'm watching the news and this is too noisy. Find something else to do. Or call Scott and fix it." Mr Stilinski turned back to the television and shook his head.

In his room he did a half-ass attempt to tidy a little. He'd sorted the clothes from the dryer and spent a half hour putting them away. It was still fairly early but after trying to get his mind off Derek by surfing the internet for a while, Stiles decided to go to bed.

He checked the window to make sure it was unlatched before he changed into pajama pants and crawled under the covers. He opened the drawer in his nightstand and took a peek at the note before he made himself comfortable.

When he woke up in the morning, Stiles felt rested and content. It lasted for a split second. Derek never showed up. Disappointed by the fact, Stiles dug his face into the pillow and cursed silently. He felt like a fool. In hindsight he decided that it would have been better if he'd just gone over to Scott's house instead.

Stiles dragged himself out of bed and took a long shower. He could of course call Derek and ask him when he'd come? As soon as the thought entered his brain he scrubbed it. He didn't want Derek to know how much he was pining for that knock on the window. He was disturbed by the feelings inside of him. This felt too much like a heartbreak.

The whole weekend went by without a sign. Stiles was cooped up in his room; only leaving for the bare necessities. Scott had called him, but he faked a sore throat and also managed to get his dad to believe he had a fever.

Sunday evening Scott came over for a brief visit. "Man, you look like shit." He stared at Stiles who was huddling under the covers. "I wasn't sure if you were really sick, but now I believe it." Stiles could feel blood rushing to his face. He felt bad lying to Scott. "I'll be fine in the morning. "He croaked out. "It's just a cold."

Monday morning Stiles decided to try to let it go. At school, he pretended that everything was peachy and managed to fool himself for a few hours. Later, at home, he felt exhausted. It was tough shit having to smile and joke around when he was ripped apart on the inside.

As he was getting ready for bed, his dad knocked on the door and came inside. "I have to leave. There has been an accident on the highway. Multiple injuries and possible fatalities." He crossed the floor and peeked out the window. "Probably going to be gone the whole night."

Stiles shrugged. "It's fine. You'll tell me if it's someone we know?" He didn't expect it to be. Nobody he knew would be out on the highway in the middle of the night. "I'm just going to go to bed. I have a test tomorrow and need the sleep." He watched as his dad went back to the door and exited.

He crawled under the covers and as sleep was catching up with him, he could hear the front door slam shut.

It didn't take more that a second before he was ripped out of this half conscious state by a knock on the windowpane. Derek didn't even wait until Stiles got up, he just opened the window and climbed inside.

He moved over to the bed with a smirk on his face and Stiles closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them again, Derek's face was inches away and he sneered before he leaned in closer. Stiles moved back and covered Derek's mouth with his hand. "You don't call, you don't write, do you expect me just to lie here and wait for you forever?"

Derek's hand moved under the blanket as he nodded slowly. "Yeah." His hand was now on Stiles' chest. "That's right."

Stiles scooted backwards to avoid the touch. "Uh, that's so rude. I, I... Where were you?" He wasn't sure if a third-degree was appropriate at the moment. He was still highly intimidated by Derek's presence.

The flash of red in Derek's eyes was becoming a familiar feature but it still scared Stiles. Derek sat down on the edge of the bed and flung the blanket aside. "Around. I had a few things to do." His eyes ran over Stiles' body. "I heard your dad left just now, so now I'm here. Don't you worry. I expect you to be loud and I had to wait for you to be alone."

A shiver went down Stiles' spine. It wasn't solely uncomfortable, but he got slightly annoyed by Derek's words. "I'm not sure I want this weird relationship. I feel like I drew the shortest straw here." He tried to frown, but he was pretty sure that his lip trembled a little too much to make it convincing.

A scoff escaped Derek's throat as he got up and started to undress. "You're already aroused." He nodded towards Stiles' crotch. "You can't fool anybody. And you like the pain." He was almost smiling. Stiles tried to pull on the blanket to cover himself up, but Derek was too fast. It got ripped out of his hands and landed on the floor. "Don't even try."

When Derek crawled naked onto the bed Stiles flinched, but decided to stop questioning himself. Derek was right, he wanted this. He'd been waiting for it for two weeks. Waiting, and pining away. It was very disturbing.

Derek didn't waste any time. Within seconds Stiles was rid of his pajama pants revealing that his dick was way ahead of him. A pair of hands caressed his body making him squirm. Derek was gentle at first but then the touches became more violent and almost bruising.

"Before the night is over you'll beg for it." Derek whispered hoarsely as he let a nail trail a vain on Stiles' cock.

Derek wasn't joking. With skilled hands and tongue he made sure to keep Stiles' on the brink of an orgasm for what felt like a lifetime, never letting him cum. The frustration was overwhelming. Stiles had to bite his lip to avoid screaming for Derek to fuck him. He didn't want him to have the pleasure of being right.

He got a little bit of a break as Derek got out of bed and pulled him up. "Come here." Derek wrapped his arms around him and kissed him letting his hands wander over Stiles' back. "Get down on your knees." The order came abruptly and Stiles didn't react immediately. A push on his shoulders forced him down. Derek's dick was bobbing in front of his face, and he had no idea how to proceed.

Stiles wasn't born yesterday. He was perfectly aware of what Derek wanted from him, but he wasn't sure if he was ready. And anyway, it would be his first time and he worried about doing it wrong. He felt like an idiot staring at that throbbing thing.

"There's never a wrong way." As if Derek had read his thoughts he pushed forward and aimed the head of his cock at Stiles' mouth. Stiles grabbed the base of it and opened his mouth wide. It was a first for everything and with a werewolf's growl in his ears he didn't feel he had much of a choice.

It was weird. The flavor of salty precum and a hint of sweat wasn't as repulsive as he would have thought. Stiles licked the head of Derek's cock and tried to be somewhat sophisticated about it. He held on to the base and tugged a little as an experiment. Derek moaned and pushed forward, but Stiles stood firm. He was not ready for any deep-throating.

Stiles knew that Derek was close. He could hear it and he could feel it, but then Derek pulled back. "I'll return the favor, get in bed." Still that demanding voice. Still that feeling of inferiority. Stiles let himself fall onto the bed with a sigh.

What Derek did to him with his lips and tongue made Stiles almost pass out. At first he didn't even try to hold back, but Derek still managed to prevent him from cumming. It was very frustrating. Stiles needed the release so bad, but a part of his brain wanted to submit to Derek completely, so he fought it just to please him.

A half hour later, Stiles was a mess. He wasn't especially lucid anymore and had completely given himself up to Derek's treatment of him. When he felt a finger up his ass, he hitched his breath. Derek leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "Did you say something?" The brush of Derek's stubble against his skin gave Stiles goosebumps. He shook his head. "No, but..." He wasn't sure if he was coherent enough to actually speak. In his head he had all these sentences lined up, but they wouldn't come out.

"Please!" Stiles got surprised when he heard his own voice. He'd never meant for the word to slip out. Derek nibbled a little on his neck. "Again. Say it again. Tell me what you want." Derek's words made him squirm. He tried to fight it but then his brain betrayed him once more. "Please, let me... Oh, do it!"

He heard a chuckle and felt Derek's tongue in his ear. "What do you want me to do? Say it!" It wasn't really a question, it was a demand. Stiles had to swallow hard before he blurted it out. "Fuck me! For god's sake just... please!"

The orgasm he experienced when Derek eventually was inside of him made Stiles black out for a moment. He lied there heaving as the world started to catch up with him. He hadn't been aware of it, but now he felt throbbing pain all over.

He was somewhat alert when Derek threw a towel at him. He grabbed it and automatically started to wipe his own stomach. Lifting the towel a little he saw it had bloodstains. Startled by the sight, Stiles tried to examine his own body. Small cuts and bruises was covering his torso, the scars from two weeks ago were almost completely healed, but now he had new ones. They were not as deep, but they were clearly made by claws.

With a sigh he looked up at Derek. "You have to be careful with me. I'm just a human. I don't heal that easily." He pouted a little and looked up. Derek was already dressed and seemed to be ready to go. He scoffed. "I am. This is me being careful." A sneer accompanied the words. "When you're obedient and do as you're told."

Stiles didn't get a chance to comment on it. Derek crawled out the window and was long gone before Stiles managed to compose a sentence.

* * *

_I have a general outline for the rest of this fic, but since this chapter happened so fast I need help. You Sterek shippers out there have to give me some advice here. This is, as you may know, my first Sterek and I feel I'm a little out on a limb here._


	4. Chapter 4

**Stiles is disappointed. He's not sure what he wants from Derek, but what he gets is not completely satisfying.**

* * *

"What's the matter with you?" Scott gave Stiles a scrutinizing stare before he shook his head and took a bite of his burger. They were sitting in a booth at the burger joint waiting for Allison. Scott had just mentioned that Derek was on his way too and Stiles almost started hyperventilating.

It was five days since he'd seen Derek. The guy had left through the window Monday night, and Stiles had been very disappointed by it. The encounter had been amazing, but he felt it was somewhat cut too short. He'd wanted Derek to stay in bed with him just to cuddle a little, but he'd just rushed off leaving Stiles in pain. A pain that was just as emotional as it was physical.

He knew Derek was in town. Even if he didn't see him, he'd heard the rumors. That he'd possibly show up here, now, was very disturbing. Keeping a straight face was hard enough when it was clear that Scott suspected that something wasn't right. Keeping a straight face when Derek was around would be impossible.

"Oh, I just remembered, I have to get home soon. I have this assignment, history class..." Stiles got cut off. "Seriously! Are you that afraid of him?" Scott rolled his eyes as he picked a pickle out of his burger. "Fuck, I told them no pickles." He looked up at Stiles again. "Why are you so antsy around him. He's not gonna hurt you. You're one of us. Even if you're not... one of us."

Stiles looked down on his meal and swallowed hard. "No, it has nothing to do with that. What are you insinuating? I'm not scared of him." He chuckled a little nervously. "I really do have an assignment." It was true, but he had the whole weekend to do it, and he knew it would take him less than an hour to finish. "I just want to get a head start. And anyway. You and Allison and Derek in the same room... I'm not gonna be... I'm gonna be ignored."

He gave Scott a pout, just for show, before he got up from his seat. "I'd rather hang out with you alone. You can come over later?" Stiles walked towards the door. "It's just... just different. You have Allison and I, I. It's okay." He gave Scott a crocked smile. "Really, this has nothing to do with Derek."

He practically ran out the door leaving a puzzled Scott behind. He didn't try to follow, and Stiles was happy about that. Settled in the driver's seat he heaved his breath. He wasn't sure if Scott believed him. The two of them had been friends for years. Scott knew him better than anyone and was bound to find out that something was up. Stiles wondered what would happen if he told him. He wondered how Scott would react if he revealed everything.

A knock on the window startled him. Allison gave him a bright smile and gestured for him to roll it down. "Hey, are you leaving? I thought..." She pointed to the burger joint. "Is Scott still there?" Stiles nodded and as he was about to confirm it with actual words his mouth fell open when he saw Derek on the sidewalk.

Allison followed his line of view and scoffed. "What's he doing here? He's always trouble." Stiles managed to compose himself somewhat. "I don't know, Scott said he'd come. I don't know why?" He sighed. "And, by the way, yes, Scott is in there. I had to go, sorry. See you guys later." He turned the ignition key and gave Allison a quick smile. It faded as he looked through the windscreen. Derek was standing in front of the car with a smirk on his face.

Revving the engine didn't help. Derek stood firm. He gave Allison a nod as she walked backwards a few steps. "I'm just gonna go inside, to Scott." Then she turned and walked away.

Stiles stared at Derek and hesitated for a split second with his foot on the gas before he resigned and put the car in park. Derek came around and opened the passenger door before he slipped into the seat. "Are you leaving? Thought we were going to hang out?" He put his hand on Stiles' thigh and squeezed it gently.

"I have homework." Stiles didn't look at Derek. "I'm a very busy guy, I can't just hang out with you whenever it suits you." He fiddled a little with the keyring hanging down from the ignition key. Derek's hand moved up his thigh and brushed over the crotch. "No? Thought you wanted more than a nightly visit. I must have got it wrong." A growl came from Derek's throat as he removed his hand.

Stiles still didn't look at him. Technically Derek was correct. Stiles wanted more than that, but he'd never really thought about what he wanted, exactly. "I... I can't." he croaked out. His heart was beating at an insane speed. That gentle touch felt so different now in broad daylight. Even if he could feel that he got slightly aroused from it, it wasn't so much about sex.

When he eventually turned and looked at Derek, he spotted a touch of disappointment in the guy's eyes. It was gone in an instant. Derek sneered and moved to get out of the car. "I suggest you give it a thought." The gaze softened for a bit and he cocked his head. "Tell me what you want."

As Derek exited the car, Stiles could feel his eyes tearing up. He wiped them quickly peeking at Derek to see if he noticed. "What I want? Since when did you care what I want?" He looked down and shook his head. "You don't really care about that, do you? You just take."

He heard a scoff and then Derek leaned back into the car and gave Stiles' cheek a stroke. "Trust me. I care." Then he got out again and slammed the door shut. Stiles didn't look up. He lifted his hand to his own cheek where Derek's had just been. Then he started the car and as he panned the parking lot he noticed that Derek was gone.

Their next encounter was a rushed affair, in the early morning hours, a couple of days later. The sheriff was due home any time, and Derek spent a few minutes prepping Stiles before he just fucked him and left. Feeling used and bruised, Stiles started to question himself. That quickie was not what he'd signed up for.

Derek had asked him what he really wanted, but he never got a chance to tell. Not that he had an answer to that question yet. Okay, yes, he wanted some comforting after sex, but the feelings inside of him was developing into something else. Something he didn't even dare to touch.

The next few weeks things became sort of routine. Stiles knew exactly when to expect Derek to show up. As soon as Mr. Stilinski was out the door to work a night-shift – or if he had to rush out in the middle of the night because of a serious break-in or an accident – the knock on the window came shortly after.

Stiles was left alone, bruised and scarred, as soon as Derek had had his way with him. The question about what Stiles wanted never came up and if he tried to express a suggestion, he got shushed.

Early one Sunday morning, about three weeks after the rendezvous in the car, Stiles mustered up the courage to ask. Derek was about ready to climb out the window when Stiles stepped in front of him, covering the exit.

"Why did you say you care about what I want, when you clearly don't?" Stiles could feel the cold air from the open window on his back and goosebumps appeared all over his body. It wasn't only the chill from the air that caused it. Stiles was terrified at the moment, but he was pretty sure that Derek couldn't hurt him more than he'd already done.

Derek took a step forward and put his hand on Stiles' shoulder. "I do care. It's just," a heavy sigh cut the sentence off. "this is," another sigh came as Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles and pulled him into an embrace. "I'm sorry, I have to go." With a quick move he'd turned them around so Derek had his back towards the window. "Go back to bed." He let go of Stiles and gave him a gentle push before he disappeared.

For the first time since this weird relationship started, Stiles cried himself to sleep. He'd shed a few tears before over it, but this time he couldn't stop. It had nothing to do with the pain from the scars. It had nothing to do with the fact that Derek again had just left. What it boiled down to, the cause for this unstoppable well of tears, was the embrace. The gentleness of it – and he fact that Derek was in a lack of words when he got that direct question – told Stiles that deep down behind that emotionless appearance, Derek really did care.

After a couple of hours of restless sleep, Stiles got out of bed and latched the window. It was gonna stay latched. The thoughts that had entered his mind during these early morning hours were so disturbing that he decided to cut off the relationship. How it was going to work Stiles had no idea about, but he had to rid himself of Derek completely.

He could almost hear his heart break as he made the decision. Knowing for sure that he'd fallen in love with the guy terrified him more than Derek's intimidating look could ever do. Why did he have to ask that question? Why did he force Derek to show emotions that he clearly didn't want to show? So he cared, so what? Derek wasn't in love with him. Derek was just feeding on him for his own pleasure. Maybe he cared on some freaked out level, but there could never be anything more between them than these sordid encounters.

To get his mind off it all he started to tidy his room. The bloodied sheet from their first encounter never came clean, and Stiles had tucked it in the back of his closet. Now he dug it out and carried it into the garage hiding it in one of the boxes with his name on. He'd contemplated on tossing it out, but couldn't make himself do it.

The next week, Stiles spent more time with Scott than he'd done for a while. He managed to keep up appearances and Scott didn't question him about his behavior the last month and a half. He saw Derek a couple of times, but got away before he was spotted. His dad had been home every night, so Stiles knew that Derek wouldn't come around.

On Friday morning, Mr. Stilinski came into the kitchen with a duffel-bag. "I have to go on a seminar. I'll be back on Sunday, don't tear down the house." Stiles startled and turned to stare at his dad. "What? You didn't tell me. What am I gonna do?" The pitch of his own voice disturbed him. He sounded like a scared child.

His dad looked at him puzzled. "I thought you'd be thrilled having the house for yourself. What's up with you? Are you sick?" He walked over to the counter and grabbed himself a cup of coffee. "You've never been scared to be alone. But anyway, have Scott over if it'll make you feel better."

That was actually a good idea. Scott could come over and they could hang out all weekend. Stiles just had to make sure that Derek knew this so he wouldn't come knocking. "Yeah, sure. It's okay. I'm not scared. It's just, I'm just surprised. You didn't tell me."

The first thing Stiles did when he came to school was to ask Scott if he was interested in spending the weekend at his house. Scott lit up and immediately started to plan what they could do. Then his shoulders slumped down. "Fuck it. I promised to hang with Allison on Saturday night. Her father is going to some party and..." he cocked his head. "...you know?" The shy smile Scott threw at Stiles told him more than he wanted to know. "You could both come."

Scott huffed. "Yeah, right. That's what you want? I think not." He chuckled and shook his head. "I'll scramble together some booze and we can hang out tonight. Play games and have a good talk." Stiles sighed and shrugged. A good talk. Like that was going to happen. He suspected that Scott would start asking him questions that he couldn't answer, but he still nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Come over anytime. We can order pizza."

They did have fun. For several hours, Stiles managed to keep Derek out of his head. After eating pizza they slouched on the couch playing video games. Scott had brought a few beers and a half full bottle of vodka, so around ten they were starting to get seriously drunk.

Stiles was pretty sure that Derek could hear them if he was in the vicinity, but he'd put a note on his window just in case. Taped to the pane, it read: "Scott is here. Don't even try." He worried what would happen tomorrow night when he would be alone at home but in his drunken state he managed to push it aside.

"What's been up with you lately?" Scott's question came suddenly as Stiles sifted through his games to find that old Mario Cart disc. "You've been very evasive. Does it have something to do with Lydia?"

Stiles became startled, but managed to compose himself. He hadn't thought about her in what felt like ages. He'd always looked at her as the love of his life, but now that was just a vague memory. He'd seen her around and he still liked her, but for some reason she'd slipped his mind. Some reason? Stiles was perfectly aware about the reason, he'd just not connected the dots until now.

"Uh, I, I've just been preoccupied with stuff." He found the disk and slipped it into the game-console. "It's just, just, Lydia is a lot friendlier now, but I think, I think it's not gonna happen." He walked over to the couch again and slumped down. "I think I need to move on. It's a little sad, but I'll cope."

Scott grabbed the controller and started the game. "So you're over her? Or do you still pine away? I'll pick Mario, your turn." Stiles looked at his friend and shrugged. "Don't know really, I think it's fading. I wouldn't turn her down if she came a-knocking but, yeah, I'm getting over it."

The joy he felt when he realized that he didn't have to lie to his friend was overwhelming. Everything he said was true. Scott mentioning Lydia came as a gift. The reason for not thinking about her lately was disturbing, but as long as he didn't have to lie to his best friend it was satisfying.

"Good. I'm of the same opinion. Let her go. You can do better. Even if she's changed she's still a bitch." Scott chuckled. "You'll find someone else. Someone who appreciates you for who you are. But let's play."

Stiles sighed. He'd already found someone else, but that relationship was also doomed. Scott didn't need to know. It was over. If it was preventable, Derek would never enter this house again. Stiles knew he had to get over it. Werewolf or not, Derek was still a dude. Falling in love with a guy was so not in Stiles' plans for the future. "Yeah, let's play. I'm so gonna beat your ass."

A half hour later they both fell asleep on the couch with the music from the game roaring in their ears.

When the hangover hit them the next morning, Stiles tried to convince Scott to stay as long as possible. With a serious headache and a nausea that threatened to keep Scott in the bathroom forever, he agreed. "Can't go home like this, my mom would have a fit." He called her and told her that he'd go directly to Allison when he left Stiles' house. After ending the call he turned to Stiles. "I wish that we one day could have a double date. I'll help you find someone."

Stiles watched as Scott covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom once more. His friend was seriously hung over. Except for a lurking headache, Stiles was fine. He felt sorry for Scott, not only because he was sick, but even if he didn't lie to him last night, Stiles still felt bad about keeping secrets from him.

When the time for Scott's departure closed in, Stiles started to shiver. Knowing that he'd be alone in the house for about eighteen more hours, he wondered how he could keep Derek away. He wanted to let him in. He wanted him desperately, but it could not continue like this. As he locked the door behind Scott, Stiles decided to stay in the living room. After making sure that his window was still latched, he looked at the note he'd put up and decided to leave it there. It would probably not fool Derek, but at least he might take it as a sign.

Stiles grabbed his blanket and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. If Derek showed up he'd see the note and know that Stiles didn't want him to come inside. He made himself comfortable, and it didn't take more than a few minutes before he was fast asleep.

The sound of the doorbell penetrated his ear and Stiles jumped up from the couch. He looked at the clock. It was almost two, and in his half asleep state, he was pretty sure it was Derek leaning on the button. He had a fight with himself before he ran to the laundry room and closed the door behind him. The sound was somewhat muffled in there and Stiles emptied the hamper, tucking the clothes in the washing machine, and started it to make sure that he wouldn't hear the bell anymore.

It didn't work. He grabbed a pair of socks and used them as earmuffs before he sunk down on the floor. A couple of clean sheets were within reach. He tucked himself in them and tried to ignore the sound.

A few minutes later he felt a vibration in his pocket. His phone was ringing. Stiles picked it out and could see that it was Derek calling him. He pressed the ignore button and tucked it back into his pocket.

When he again felt a vibration he picked it out and noticed that he'd got a text message. With shaking hands he opened the message. "You should let me in. I could always tear down the door, you know."


	5. Chapter 5

**The break-up is taking it's toll, but Stiles tries to cope with it. We're taking a detour into Derek's mind before getting too much into Stiles' emotions. **

* * *

"You should let me in. I could always tear down the door, you know."

Staring at the message Stiles didn't really know what to do. The urge to run to the door and fling it open was overwhelming. Sitting there on the floor in the laundry room, with the vibration of the washing machine caressing his back, he felt like a fool. He had to do something.

Slowly he turned over and on his hands and knees he crawled out into the hall. After a bit of hesitation he got up and walked to the living room. Staring at the door he picked up his phone and typed in a message to Derek. "I can't do this any longer. You're just using me."

Stiles slumped down on the couch and tried to get comfortable. He held on to the phone expecting a quick reply. It didn't come. He fell asleep again, and woke up the next morning by a vibration in his hand. He'd held onto the phone the whole night and clenched it so tight that he had to use his other hand to remove it. He looked at the screen.

"It's okay. I thought you wanted this, but I must have got it wrong. I'll move on."

The words made Stiles hitch his breath. He didn't want Derek to move on. He wanted him to be soft and gentle and cuddly. As soon as the thought had run though his brain Stiles squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force it away. He didn't want to want Derek. He tried to tell himself that this was a good thing. Derek would never knock on that window again. Stiles could sleep through the night without being disturbed by this violent guest.

Being in love with Lydia for years had taught Stiles a few things. One of them was that you can't always get what you want. He was pretty sure that what he wanted from Derek would never happen. He just had to live with that knowledge. The sex had been great and he knew he'd miss it. The bruises? Not so much. But then again. Those rough hands on his skin, the marks from Derek's claws, the bruises from when Derek grabbed him too hard, it had all been a part of an amazing experience. Now, all of it was history and Stiles tried to look at it as a good thing.

He'd move on too. He could find a girl that he could love and who'd love him back. A nice and sweet and gentle girl, one he could hold in his arms and cuddle with. The problem was that when he closed his eyes and tried to picture how it would be, the images was disturbed by the memory of rough hands on his body.

-o-o-o-

Derek left Stiles' house disappointed. He could of course have broken a window or crashed through the door but making a fool of himself had never been in his plans. Sending that text message was so not in his plans either.

When he realized that Stiles wasn't going to let him in he was actually tempted to break down the door. The problem was just that he didn't want to seem needy. Up to this moment Stiles had kept the window unlatched and even if he'd tried to protest to the treatment he'd never really said no.

This – in Stiles' words – weird relationship, had been easy and carefree until the boy had started to question the intentions behind it. Derek didn't want to be questioned about it. Any question required an answer and for once, Derek didn't have any answers.

When he initially sensed that Stiles had sort of a crush on him, Derek had been surprised and taken aback by it. After a while he started looking at the guy differently and then he perched himself on a rooftop near Stiles' house just to listen to his heartbeat and his breath. He'd never allowed himself to question this behavior. Over time it had become some sort of a ritual. Ever so often he'd tried to quit, but then, the next night he found himself back on that same roof.

When he, several nights in a row, just sat there wondering if he should pay Stiles a visit, Derek decided to let it go. Then fate stepped in and changed the scenario. Later events would probably never had happened if he hadn't slipped on that roof-tile. In pain and with the last bit of strength he had, he managed to get to Stiles' window.

Half conscious he'd felt Stiles' hands on his body and it had been extremely arousing. When he came to his senses and was completely healed he wanted to embrace Stiles and thank him. He didn't want to force himself on him. He didn't want to scare him or intimidate him in any way. Good plans doesn't always play out the way they were intended.

Sitting on that bed with Stiles so close, knowing that the boy was aroused by the intimacy, Derek couldn't help himself. The soft and flawless skin under his hands, the inviting lips, Stiles' heartbeat and throbbing cock. All of it was ingredients that made him throw his initial intentions overboard.

It had also been nice to just lie there after and soak in the scent of Stiles' skin - and his shampoo. Stiles had fallen asleep almost instantly, but Derek stayed awake until the first rays of sun emerged over the roof of the neighbor's house. It was on a whim that he wrote the note, before he exited the same way he came in.

He was slightly embarrassed by his own behavior, and tried to ignore the feelings that emerged in him. He went to great efforts to avoid Stiles. He even left town for a while and hooked up with random strangers to get the guy out of his head.

Stiles was just a boy. An innocent, young boy who deserved more than Derek could offer. That he'd practically forced himself on him, tearing his virginity to shreds was troubling. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to soothe Stiles' pain and tell him he was sorry.

He waited for an opportunity when he heard Stiles' dad leave the house. Again his good intentions went down the drain. Derek couldn't make himself show weakness in front of Stiles. He knew for sure that Stiles wanted him, but the guy was scared out of his mind and it surely didn't feel right.

There could never be anything more between them. Derek knew that a relationship with a human was out of the question. It would just be too complicated. The stolen moments at night was all he got. He'd actually tried to take a step to hang out with Stiles on a casual basis, but it hadn't worked out so well.

And now it was over. "I can't do this any longer. You're just using me." The message from Stiles saddened Derek in a way he'd never expected. He decided to leave for a while. This would pass. Stiles would move on and find a girl eventually, or a boy, for that matter.

After leaving Stiles' house he went home to get a couple of hours sleep before he packed a bag and left. The last thing he did was to send a message to Stiles. Then he jumped in the car and took off.

-o-o-o-

Slowly things were starting to get back to normal. The first few days after what felt like a break-up, Stiles had been in a state of mourning. Every night he'd looked out the window and almost expected to see Derek on a rooftop nearby. When he learned that Derek wasn't even in town it added to his sadness. On the other hand, not having to fear for his life and health was a good thing.

The little note Derek had left got crumbled up and tossed out. He didn't want to look at it anymore, he didn't want to be reminded.

Stiles hung out with Scott more than he had done in a long time. Allison and Lydia often joined them and sometimes the rest of the werewolves tagged along. Derek stayed away, but Isaac kept them somewhat updated in his whereabouts. "He needed a vacation." Isaac chuckled. "Don't know for how long." Both Allison and Lydia scoffed. "Vacation from what? It's not like he has a regular job or anything." Allison looked at Isaac and frowned.

"From us, I guess. I think he looks at us as puppies." Isaac threw his hands out. "I mean, I know I can be somewhat out of control from time to time." He panned the rest of the pack. "We're not that easy to train."

Mr Stilinski had only had a couple of night-shifts during the last three weeks. Both times Stiles had stayed at Scott's house. Scott didn't question it, he'd just been happy to hang out with Stiles alone. Other than that his dad had been home every night. No major crimes had occurred so he had no reason to leave the house at night.

Stiles also went back to lacrosse practice. He had skipped it for a while because of his bruised body. He didn't want to undress in front of the others, so he'd decided to take the verbal abuse from their coach. It wasn't like he was getting on the team any time soon anyway. He was still mostly a bench-warmer.

He wasn't fully healed yet but he managed to cover it up somewhat. Scott still noticed the almost faded bruises and cocked his brow. "What happened?" He tried to sneak another peek under the towel Stiles used to cover his chest. "Uh, I, I fell down the stairs." He blushed and tried to turn away but Scott grabbed his arm. "Fell down the stairs? When? How?"

Stiles tried to think fast. Falling down the stairs didn't even sound plausible. "Uh, I, It happened that night we got drunk. I forgot all about it." He managed to avoid Scott's stare and reached for his clothes. Scott nodded slowly. "Okay, did you fall on some steak knives." He pointed to a scar on Stiles' hip. "I noticed a couple more of those."

The scars were to old to be recognized as claw-marks but they were still somewhat hard to explain. "Oh, those? I don't know. I, I can't, It's just a couple of scratches." He couldn't come up with anything and decided to get the conversation on to another track. "Hey, I know we had plans to go to the movies tonight, but unfortunately I'm not able to." He hurried to put his pants and t-shirt on. "I kinda promised to help my dad clean out the garage."

Stiles didn't turn back to Scott until he was fully dressed. "I'm gonna have to be there, I'm afraid he'll throw out all my stuff if I'm not there to stop him." He looked at Scott and gave him a crocked smile. Scott was just staring back at him and cocked his head. "You're lying. Why are you lying to me?" He shook his head and grabbed his bag. "I'm disappointed in you, Stiles. If there's something you don't want to tell me, just say so. Don't lie to me."

All alone in the the locker room Stiles slumped down on a bench and covered his face with his hands. All these lies were starting to haunt him. Again he wondered if he should come clean to Scott. If he should tell him that Derek had caused all his bruises and scars. He hitched his breath and wiped a tear from his cheek. Scott wouldn't understand, no one would understand. He himself couldn't even understand why he'd let himself be treated that way.

And then again, deep down he kind of missed it. Sometimes he felt like the pain inside of him now – when it was over – was worse than the physical pain Derek had inflicted on him. Even if he was scared most of the time in Derek's presence, there was also some gentleness involved. He didn't show it much, but ever so often Stiles had gotten a glimpse of a kinder, more tender Derek.

He sat there for several minutes feeling sorry for himself. He wondered how long it would take to get over it. To get over Derek. He'd done pretty good so far. He'd been sad but managed to cope with it somewhat. Being confronted about the bruises had made it all come back. Stiles realized that his feelings for Derek had not diminished. He'd just hid them well, tucked them into the back of his mind and tried to move on. He wiped another tear and took a deep breath. He had to let it go, nothing good would come out of it. His relationship with Scott was suffering over this too. He decided to try to do some damage control there, concocting an explanation that wasn't as see-through as the lies he'd come up with so far.

Fixing up in the garage with his dad was going to take his mind of this for a while. Stiles got up and walked over to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror before he splashed some cold water on his face.

When Stiles came home there was a pile of boxes and junk in the driveway. His dad was busy sweeping the floor in the garage and gestured to Stiles to grab the broom. "I threw everything out. Sweep the rest of the floor, I'll start on the boxes."

Stiles dumped his bags by the door to the house and took the broom. His dad started to pull odd items out of the boxes and made three piles. "This we keep." He pointed to the nearest pile. "This we toss, and this," gesturing to a few items on the ground, "we think about."

Stiles just shrugged. As long as he got to have a say in what to get rid of, it wasn't really important how it was sorted. When his dad pulled a bloodstained sheet out, Stiles startled. He'd forgot all about that. "What?" His dad looked at the name on the box. "It's yours, care to explain?" He looked puzzled but there was also a hint of concern in his eyes.

"I, oh, I cut myself. I don't know, it's a long time ago." Stiles wondered what his dad really thought about it. The look he got was scrutinizing. "Stiles, it worries me. Are you one of those kids who cut themselves? Like, are you depressed or something?" He walked over to his son and reached a hand out. "Let me look at your arms?"

Rolling up his sleeves to show his dad the flawless skin, Stiles sighed in relief. "No. It was an accident. I don't cut." He chuckled a little nervously thinking about the scars on his body. "I cut myself shaving." He could feel the blush. There was no way his dad was going to believe that. "I mean, no. I, it was..."

Looking at the sheet again Mr Stilinki shook his head. "Where exactly?" Suddenly he scrunched his face. "Oh, I don't want to know." He walked away and dumped the sheet in the discard pile. "I really don't want to know."

So his dad thought he'd shaved his crotch. It wasn't exactly comfortable to think about, but the truth was even worse. Stiles decided to leave it at that. The only problem was that he wanted to keep that sheet. As his scars healed, this would be the only thing left to remind him of the affair with Derek. He seized the opportunity when his dad went inside to grab a beer. Stiles snatched the sheet out of the pile and folded it nicely before he ran to his room and tucked it under his pillow.

Back outside he took the rest of the stuff they'd decided to get rid off, to the trashcan by the side of the house. Stiles wasn't sure if his dad would even question the disappearance of the sheet but wanted to play it safe.

Two hours later they were done and Stiles was sent out for some take-out. "Whatever you want, Son. You've done a good job." The sheriff slumped down on the couch and turned on the TV. "I prefer a burger or something like that, but you can decide."

Stiles didn't care. He was hungry and it didn't really matter what he ate. Unaware of his own actions he took a detour and drove past Derek's place. The Camaro wasn't there so Stiles figured that he was still not back. He wasn't sure if he was happy about it or not, but the knot I his stomach tightened a little.

Outside the burger joint Stiles had to take a moment to compose himself. He had done so well the last couple of weeks. He'd managed to pretend that everything was peachy and that he was happy about not having to deal with Derek's random visits. Today's events had brought the memories back, and Stiles realized that he missed it. He wanted Derek to come knocking. Fearing for his own sanity he had to admit that he was hopelessly in love with the guy.

That night when he went to bed he clenched the sheet to his chest. It smelt like detergent with a hint of gasoline, probably from being stored in the garage. Stiles tried to remember Derek's scent but couldn't, and it saddened him.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry guys. I didn't plan to make Derek totally unsympathetic, so I hope you'll look at this with understanding. He has needs and can't really get them covered the way he really wants to. No smut, just emotions and disturbing thoughts/actions.**

* * *

Derek didn't have to make much of a move to get the girl's attention. He'd been to the same bar several nights in a row, and seen the glances she'd sent him from behind the counter. Tonight she was obviously off duty and a subtle nod was all it took to get her to come to his table.

After almost three weeks, barely exchanging a word with a soul, he needed some interaction. Knowing perfectly well that what he really wanted was out of reach, he was more than ready to move on and have some mindless fun. This girl could take his mind off the recent past, and maybe even, for a while, make him forget about the reason for being there in the first place.

It was still early evening and Derek had just arrived at the bar. He was sitting in the same booth he'd been occupying for the last four nights, and when the girl approached he scooted over a little to make room for her next to him.

"You from around here?" Her voice was smooth as silk as she slipped into the booth. He shook his head and grinned. "No, just visiting. A drink?" He gestured for one of the waiters to come over. He ordered a beer for himself before he turned to the girl again. "You?" She didn't answer, but the waiter clearly knew what she wanted because he just nodded. A couple of minutes later he brought the beer and a Mojito to their table.

When Derek left town almost three weeks ago he'd gone to the mountains. He borrowed a cabin from a family friend and stayed there for two whole weeks. He hadn't really asked permission, but he knew where they kept the spare key. They only used it during hunting seasons, so Derek was pretty sure he wouldn't be caught red-handed.

To atone for the intrusion, he did some minor repairs and chopped enough firewood to last them the whole winter. Staying busy he managed to keep Stiles out of his head for the most part. In the dead of the night when he had to get some shuteye, the memories bothered him somewhat, but he forced them away.

Crawling in through that window at night, having his way with Stiles, had been satisfying, although somewhat sordid. Although, as long as Stiles didn't say no to him, he could just pretend that it was a mutual relationship. Derek was perfectly aware that he had the upper hand as long as Stiles kept the window unlatched. And then suddenly, and out of the blue, the guy decided to shut him out.

He wasn't particularly proud of his own behavior that night – or really any night he'd been to that house – but he kind of hoped that Stiles was too scared to even question it. Derek knew perfectly well that things could have worked itself out if he'd taken Stiles' feelings into consideration.

The only thing he had to do was to show a little bit of emotion. He could have stayed for a while longer and comforted the guy after their encounters. Derek sometmes wished he'd done that. It wouldn't have taken much time, but he was afraid that Stiles could get in too deep. Stiles was a human. Derek couldn't possibly get tangled into a serious relationship with a human.

Up in the mountains as the full moon occurred, he got so antsy that he had to go out hunting. The only thing he manage to catch was a rabbit and as he sunk his teeth into the neck of the animal, killing it swiftly, he felt like a fool. Carrying the fluffy thing back to the cabin, Derek decided it was time to leave.

The next day he made rabbit stew before he cleaned up the place. He dug the remains of the bunny down behind the cabin and hit the road. Derek wondered if he should just go back home, but he didn't feel ready to face reality. He was also pretty sure that he had to stay away from his pack in order to avoid Stiles, so he decided to go somewhere else.

He booked a room at a cheap motel, where he spent the days in bed watching crappy movies on pay-per-view. In the evening he went to the local bar. He came before the rush and was always the last one to leave.

Derek knew that he could probably have brought someone to his room every night if he was interested. The local girls – and even a couple of guys – had their eyes on him. Several times he pondered on doing it, but he always ended up drinking too much to really be able to perform. He also worried that in his drunken state he'd do something foolish – like turn.

So, he sat there alone in the booth panning the room. The waiters kept bringing him drinks no matter how drunk he was, because they'd soon learn that he was a good tipper. The girl behind the bar was the only one who actually caught his attention. With her short short hair, she reminded him of a young Sinead O'Connor.

Derek knew that the girl was in her early twenties, but she looked younger. Unlike the other barmaids, with their skimpy outfits, she wore jeans and t-shirts. Derek was perfectly aware of the fact that if he was going to describe her for someone else, it would be as a Stiles with make-up and breasts. With her dark, unplucked eyebrows and her pale narrow lips she could possibly have passed as his sister. But all of that meant nothing. What really made her catch Derek's attention was the glimpse of mischief in her eyes and the cheeky comments she sometimes threw out to the regulars at the bar.

And now she was sitting at his table sipping Mojito out of a straw. "You don't talk much, do you?" She cocked her head and tried to catch Derek's eyes. "I mean, I've seen you here sitting alone every night. The girls are drooling over you." She took another sip from her drink. "You wouldn't even have to chat them up."

Derek took a swig from the pint in his hand before he turned to the girl. "They don't interest me." He sighed heavily before he continued. "You're the only person in here that I would want to have a conversation with."

The girl chuckled. "A conversation? None of these girls want to have a conversation with you." She patted his back. "I think it would be more physical." Derek looked into her eyes. "What about you? What do you want?"

Not another word was uttered between them before they were standing outside the girl's apartment. Derek pinned her to the door and kissed her as she tried to get the key out of her pocket. "I need to see what I'm doing. Sorry." She bent down a little and unlocked the door. They both almost fell inside, but managed to stay on their feet until they hit the couch.

Derek practically ripped the shirt off of her and with skilled hands he had her pants unzipped in an instant. "I don't even know your name." She panted out as she lifted her pelvis off the cushion. "I'm Anna."

Derek pulled back for a split second. "Anna?" he said as he leaned forward again and kissed her. He didn't want to tell her his name. "Does it matter? I'm gonna leave soon." Anna shook her head. "No! It would just be nice to know."

He wanted to turn her over. He wanted to fuck that tight ass, but Derek braced himself. Or he thought he did. When Anna screamed from the top of her lungs Derek startled. He noticed that his claws were dug deep into her skin. He managed to retract them but the damage was already done.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Anna screamed. Derek covered her mouth with his hand and leaned on her till she stopped squirming. There was terror in her eyes. "When I remove my hand you will not scream." He tried to make his voice soothing, but he could hear the growl lurking underneath.

Anna gave him the nearest of a nod she could in her present position. It was really not more than a twitch. Derek removed his hand as he stared into her eyes. "I'm gonna leave now. Forget about me." Before she could get a chance to scream again he was out the door. He knew he'd screwed up majorly. Derek went back to the motel and packed his things before hurried to the reception to pay for the room. Then he jumped in the car and sped out of town.

He didn't know if Anna understood what happened, but if she told her story to anyone the rumors would quickly reach the hunters – the Argents – and Derek would again be chased. He wasn't that far from home, and stories travel fast, so he just had to hope that she never mentioned it to a living soul.

Less than two hours later he was in his loft ,cursing at himself. He'd been too careless. He wished that he'd dealt with all this in a different manner. Last time he left town he'd just hooked up with random people. Always in control, he'd never ever revealed his true form.

Being cooped up in that cabin for a fortnight – experiencing the curse of the full moon in the process – had made him crave the interaction too much. Derek wasn't quite sure, but he worried that he would have killed – or turned – that girl if she hadn't screamed so loud.

He worried about his own sanity. He worried that his instincts had failed him. Derek knew for sure that it had everything to do with this ridiculous relationship he had with Stiles. He didn't want this. He wanted to be carefree and unattached.

In hindsight Derek decided that leaving town had been a bad move. He could have got his piece of ass here. He could have managed to stay under the radar. Stiles wouldn't have had to find out. But so what, what if he did. The guy had literally shut him out. Stiles was done with all this shit and didn't want him to come over anymore.

"Fuck it." Derek flung the tumbler into the wall. Shards off glass and the rest of the whiskey rained down on the floor. He grabbed the bottle and drank from it before he prepared to send it in the same direction as the tumbler. Then he resigned and with a sigh he slumped down on the couch again and took another swig.

After downing the whole bottle Derek grabbed his jacket and decided to go out. He felt restless and he needed to do something. He peeked out the window and panned the neighborhood. It was dark and quiet out there. He checked the time – it was way past midnight – and as he was about to bend down and put his shoes on he threw another glance out.

Furrowing his brows he moved closer to the pane and stared at the car idling by the curb about a block away. That grille was easily recognizable. Even with his heightened senses he was still not able to make out who was in the car, but who else in this town drove a blue jeep?

Derek started pacing. He couldn't go out now. He knew for sure that if he came any closer to Stiles it would be impossible to predict what would happen. Although, Derek had a general idea.

The room was covered in darkness so he was pretty sure that Stiles couldn't possibly have seen him looking out the window. Derek wondered if he hung outside here on a regular basis or if this was a one time thing.

Derek had parked his Camaro in the regular spot and now he regretted it. But still, if Stiles hung out there on the curb because he'd spotted the car it was a little surprising. He couldn't believe that the guy scouted him out. Why would he? Derek pushed the thoughts away. So now Stiles knew that he was back in town, so what? Nothing was going to happen between them regardless. There could be a perfectly innocent explanation for why Stiles was there. Derek squeezed his eyes shut and started to undress. Tomorrow was a new day. He was going to act normal and not give Stiles a second thought.

It took about four seconds for him to discover that it was harder than he anticipated. The only thing on his mind when he fell into a restless sleep was the memories of Stiles' body under his own rough hands. A few minutes later he woke up again. He tried to tune in to the sound that had alerted him.

-o-o-o-

Stiles knew he was behaving like an idiot. The last couple of evenings he'd driven past Derek's place to see if he was back. Yesterday he'd even gone to the Hale-house to look for him. He didn't know why, the whole thing was pointless. What if Derek was back? It wouldn't change a thing.

Earlier this evening he'd been to the skating rink with Scott, Alison and Lydia. After that they'd gone out for a meal and it was pretty late when they eventually parted. Hanging out, the four of them, had stated to be a regular thing. It could probably be perceived as a double date but him and Lydia never held hands or anything.

A couple of times Stiles could have sworn that the girl was flirting with him, but he decided that he must have got it wrong. Also, his crush on Lydia was completely gone so reciprocating was not an option. He looked at her totally different now than before. It was kind of nice. A friendship was developing between them, and he was comfortable in her presence.

Mr Stilinski was working that night so after dropping Scott off at home, Stiles took a drive around town. Well, calling it a drive around town was exaggerating it. It was just that he felt the need to take this little trip around the block where Derek lived. Stiles startled when he noticed the Camaro in front of the building. He had to pull over and take a moment.

He looked up at the only window he could see from where he had stopped. It was completely dark. If Derek was back he was probably fast asleep. It was after all way past midnight. After idling for a few minutes he parked the car and turned off the engine.

Knowing that Derek was so close, his heart started racing. The urge to get out of the car and run to the door was so overwhelming that Stiles had to hold on to the steering wheel for dear life to fight it.

"Stupid idiot, what good could possibly come out of that?" Stiles said to himself as he prepared to pull out in the street again. Somehow – unbeknown to his own consciousness – when his hand reached for the ignition key, instead of turning it, he pulled it out and clenched it in his hand.

It was a short walk over to Derek's car. Stiles let his finger run over the hood. It was dirty. He wiped his finger on his thigh and took a step back. The Camaro looked like it had been driven through mud. Stiles patted the roof as to sooth the thing. "He got rough with you too?" Giggling a little from his own idiocy he peeked up at the window again. It was still dark and uninviting.

Derek could possibly be at a bar nearby. He could be anywhere, really. He moved around pretty fast and didn't always need his wheels to get around.

Stiles jumped up on the sidewalk and hid in the shadows as a car drove by. Being spotted caressing a vehicle was not desired. Someone could think that he was about to steal it – or it's contents.

As soon as the taillights of the passing car had disappeared around a corner, Stiles decided to go back to his jeep and take off. This was just so totally ridiculous that he had to get away from there quickly. It was just this one puzzling thing that bothered him. He was standing only a few feet away from Derek's front door. Normally it would be locked, or at least closed. Now it was slightly ajar. Derek wasn't normally this careless. Something was wrong. Maybe he was injured?

A couple of steps to the left brought him right in front of the door. He pushed it gently. It was well oiled and didn't make a sound as it opened enough for him to slip inside. He ascended the stairs slowly and when he finally arrived outside Derek's apartment he stopped.

Hesitantly he lifted his fist to knock, but then he lowered it. There was no way he was going to do that. What was he thinking? Derek would surely misunderstand. He wouldn't believe that Stiles came because he worried about him – that he worried about that open door.

Stiles chuckled silently to himself. He himself didn't even believe that story. The only thing he really wanted – really craved – at the moment, was for Derek to pull him into an embrace and just hold him. He was pretty sure that it would be misconstrued if he knocked that door and alerted Derek of his presence. This was definitely going to be perceived as nothing but a booty call.

Even if Derek wasn't interested anymore, it would still be hard to explain. Stiles looked down at the floorboards and took a deep breath. He knew he had to talk to Derek at one point, if only for his own sanity, but he'd wait till morning. As the decision was made the door in front of him suddenly opened. Stiles lifted his head and saw Derek take a couple of steps back before he turned around and walked further into the apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**I am totally frustrated with this chapter. It just happened. They question themselves. Is this what they want? Later chapters will give answers. So okay, you guys know that their in love but they don't. Hang in there folks.**

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Derek took a few steps back before he turned around and walked away. The door was still wide open and Stiles hesitated for a split second before he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. His whole body was shaking. This was probably the most stupid thing he'd ever done in his life.

On the other hand, Derek knew he was there and running away now wouldn't really change much. The only thing Stiles would achieve was a postponement of the inevitable. He was pretty sure that Derek wouldn't force anything. If Stiles decided to say no, the guy would keep his distance, because so far he'd actually not done anything that Stiles wasn't in on. The only problem was, Stiles didn't know if he could say no.

He waited for what seemed like an eternity before Derek emerged again. The guy walked over to the kitchen counter and picked a bottle of beer out of the fridge. "I could hear you, you know." He had his back turned against Stiles. "From the moment you set your foot on the first step of the stairs." Derek still didn't face him. He took a sip from the bottle. "You want a beer?"

Stiles was completely tongue-tied and had to clear his throat a couple of times before he managed to answer. "Yeah, thanks," he quacked out. He was still standing inches from the door and didn't really dare to move.

Finally Derek turned around. He'd pulled out another beer and padded across the room before he sat down on the couch. "I could bring the beer over to you, but don't you think it would be more comfortable to sit?" He placed the bottle on the table and gestured to Stiles to take it.

Slowly but surely Stiles moved towards the couch. He didn't sit down, he just grabbed the beer and took a big gulp from it. His hand were shaking and he was pretty sure Derek could see it. With a slight tremble in his voice he asked: "Aren't you gonna ask why I'm here?" He lifted his head and finally dared to meet Derek's eyes.

"I know why you're here." A crocked smile appeared on Derek's face for a second. Stiles shook his head. "No, you don't." His voice was still a little shaky. Derek rolled his eyes. "Yes, I do. I really do." He took another swig from the bottle and then he put it on the table. Stiles followed his example as he tried to relax. "I mean, your front door was open, like not even closed..." The information seemed to surprise Derek. "Oh, really. Clumsy of me. I was in a hurry. So what?"

Stiles twisted his hands. "I'm just saying, I kinda worried a little, I was thinking..." A burst of laughter cut him off. Derek threw his head back and laughed out loud. With wide open eyes Stiles stared at the guy. He had no idea what was so funny.

"Stiles, Stiles, Stop this nonsense. If you're trying to tell me that you came here to check my door, you're lying. You couldn't even see my door from where you were parked." Derek was still chuckling. "I told you that I know why you're here, you don't have to make things up."

The heat from the blush was very uncomfortable. So Derek had seen him in the car almost a block away. He probably knew that he sat there for more than fifteen minutes. Stiles wondered if he'd been spotted as he was hanging around the Camaro. "I, I, okay, so you know. Then tell me, because I don't even know."

The tension in his muscles started to bother him now, but Stiles did his best to relax. He grabbed the beer and emptied it in one go before he put the bottle back on the table. He really, really didn't want to hear Derek's explanation. "I mean..." He took a breath but didn't get a chance to continue. Derek shrugged. "Does it matter? Have another beer, and sit down, for crying out loud."

It took a few seconds for Stiles to react, but then he went to the fridge and picked out a beer before he grabbed a chair and pulled it towards the coffee table. He would have wanted to sit on the couch but didn't dare. Derek didn't seem to care. He fiddled a little with the label on the beer bottle before he looked up. "So how's things? Did I miss anything while I was gone?"

The question threw Stiles off for a second. He'd not expected Derek to behave so casual and almost friendly. "Uh, I don't know. No. It's just been... you know. Quiet and," he cocked his head and stared into the air trying to come up with something. "Nothing major. Unless you want a recap of a regular day at school?"

Derek got up and stretched his body making Stiles hitch his breath. Embarrassed by the thoughts that ran through his mind, Stiles concentrated on the beer in his hand to avoid staring. "You?" he managed to croak out. "anything interesting happen on your... trip?" He kept his head down but in the corner of his eye he could see Derek move towards the kitchen area.

"Yeah, well, no." He cracked his knuckles before he leaned on the counter. "I made some new acquaintances. Didn't go well." A humorless chuckle followed the words. Stiles waited for the continuation but nothing came.

"So, did you, I mean... What did you... What happened?" Stiles wasn't sure if he wanted to know. If Derek had been out on a killing-spree it would be better to be left in the dark. When the other guy didn't answer Stiles looked up. Derek was gazing into the air and sighed heavily. "I almost turned accidentally and scared the crap out of this girl."

Stiles startled with surprise. He'd know Derek to be always in control. If he turned by accident he had to have been somewhat distracted. Stiles heart fell when he realized what kind of situations could make Derek lose control. He'd been gone for three weeks. Chances were that he'd been hooking up with someone.

For some odd reason those thoughts had never crossed Stiles' mind while Derek was away. Now he felt jealousy crawling up his spine. Of course the guy had had sex with these new acquaintances. Stiles wanted to leave. He felt like a fool for coming here expecting Derek to have changed. Not so much expecting, maybe, but hoping.

"I had to leave in a hurry and I just hope," Derek shrugged. "I hope she didn't understand what happened." He scoffed and pushed away from the counter. "I'm a little drunk. Emptied a bottle of scotch in frustration."

Stiles blinked and swallowed hard. He realized that he was scared out of his mind. A drunk and frustrated Derek couldn't be good. Although he seemed fine. He looked perfectly calm and collected and if he was seriously drunk it didn't show much.

Derek was suddenly standing behind him and Stiles could feel sweat pouring out. It didn't take more than seconds before the back of his t-shirt was soaked. He closed his eyes and hoped that Derek would be gentle. Stiles knew that he was in a place where nobody could hear him if he screamed.

When Derek's hand landed on his shoulder Stiles held his breath. He felt a quick squeeze. Derek let his hand linger a little before he gave Stiles' neck a stroke. "I need to get some shuteye, you're welcome to stay." He removed his hand and moved to get into Stiles' line of view. "Have another beer if you like."

It took Stiles several minutes to recover. In the meantime Derek had left the room.

Stiles didn't know if he should stay or leave or what. He didn't understand what just happened.

Ever since he met Derek for the first time Stiles had been slightly intimidated by the guy. When he realized that he had a crush on him the fear got worse. He'd still managed to keep up appearances and be himself. He'd been outspoken, solved problems and acted seemingly fearless.

After the unexpected visit a couple of months ago, Stiles had entered into a new reality. Before that he'd been pretty sure that Derek didn't pay much attention to him. Stiles could say whatever he wanted even if he wasn't a part of the pack. As long as Scott protected him and he could be an asset for them he was quite confident. Derek still intimidated him but Stiles had been so sure that the guy didn't really care about him or his cheeky comments.

Realizing that Derek had been more than aware of his existence, Stiles had at first felt invigorated. As the awkward relationship moved on it had felt more and more like a burden.

The moment Stiles admitted to himself that he was in love with this brute, it became impossible for him to handle this lopsided relationship. He wasn't even worried about the scars and the bruises. That Derek only came when Stiles was home alone wasn't really the problem either. What bothered him was simply the fact that Derek left. He just left.

Stiles sat down on the couch in Derek's practically empty loft. He decided to stay for a little while. He was pretty sure that Derek had moved on, which made him confident that he was perfectly safe. On the other hand – it also gave him no reason to be here, but he couldn't help himself.

He wondered if Derek really knew why he came. Stiles suspected that Derek thought he came for the sex. Derek definitely didn't believe that it was because of the unlocked door.

Stiles was pretty sure that Derek didn't understand squat. The only reason for him to mention that girl was to make Stiles aware that he'd moved on. It was the only explanation. He wasn't interested in a relationship. He'd taken advantage of Stiles because he knew that he was ripe and ready to be picked. The moment Stiles questioned it Derek took off.

But still. Tonight Derek had been nice and friendly. For Stiles it was a new experience. Derek had never really been friendly before. Not very anyway. That first night when he held him tight was the only time Stiles could think of.

He decided to have that beer he was offered. Just being here with Derek so close felt good. Even if this thing between them was going nowhere, Stiles tried to soak up as much 'Derek' as he could. One beer and he'd be out of there.

Sitting on the couch with his cellphone as the only entertainment source he soon started yawning. The beer was only half empty, but he had to drive home and didn't want to get too tipsy. He lied down on the couch and stared into the ceiling high above him. It was comfortable, but he knew he had to get up and leave shortly. It was just...

-o-o-o-

Being a werewolf had it's perks. Not that Derek had given it much thought, but he knew. He could sleep for hours if he wanted to, lounging around being lazy for days on end. But it wasn't like he needed it. He could easily go for weeks with only a couple of hours rest in between.

Hangovers was not something he experienced very often either. Thinking back, he couldn't remember having one since that time he got into his fathers liquor-cabinet at the age of twelve.

When he left Stiles alone in the living area it wasn't because he needed to sleep. Derek just felt that he was just a little to drunk to control himself. Two hours later he was awake and practically sober. He stretched and rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed. A whiff of a familiar scent tickled his nostrils and made him smile. He wondered if Stiles was still there or if it was just his scent lingering in the air.

He padded across the floor, opened the door and breathed in through his nose. There was no doubt, the guy was there in the flesh. Derek had to close his eyes for a second when he recognized the scent of that same shampoo from ages ago. From that one time when he'd let his guard down and cuddled up with Stiles.

Way back, when he thought that he could have these casual sexual encounters with Stiles without having to worry about underlying feelings and emotions. It could have continued like that for... forever, maybe, if Stiles hadn't put his foot down and ended it.

In hindsight Derek knew that it was for the best. He'd hated himself for what he did to the guy. There wasn't a sliver of doubt in his mind that Stiles liked the rough action, but Stiles deserved more than Derek could give. And it wasn't like he didn't want to give it to him. Derek was just scared of his own feelings and was afraid that if he gave in he'd never be able to let go.

Listening carefully Derek nodded to himself. Stiles was sleeping soundly. With care he moved swiftly towards the couch. Stiles was in a fetal position, shivering slightly. Derek went back to his room and grabbed the quilt he used as a comforter.

Back at the couch he draped it over Stiles' sleeping body and tried to tuck it around him without waking him up. Satisfied with his work he sat down on a bar-stool next to the kitchen counter. The sound of Stiles relaxed breath and slow heartbeat pleased him.

It was a long time since he'd been in the guy's presence without being bothered by Stiles' fear. Derek didn't want Stiles to be afraid of him. He could perfectly well understand why, and Derek hadn't done a damn thing to change that.

He wanted to go over and cradle Stiles in his arms and tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Derek wanted to assure him that he'd never seriously hurt or injure him. The scars and bruises from their sexual encounters aside, Derek wanted to protect Stiles from harm and, and keep him.

Derek shook his head to get those thought out of his mind. It was impossible. As a werewolf he couldn't possibly enter into a serious relationship with a human. It wasn't right. That Scott and Allison were together was more an exception. And anyway, he didn't even know if that was what Stiles wanted either.

The only thing he knew for sure was that Stiles wanted a more mutual agreement between them. That he wanted to have a say in what went on. He wanted Derek to stay for a bit after they had sex and get a little comforting.

Earlier Derek had explained his evasive behavior with the fact that he didn't want Stiles to get in to deep. He scoffed to himself when he realized that it wasn't Stiles' state of mind he worried about. Derek was afraid that he himself would not be able to let go if he let down his guard.

He got off the stool and examined his cupboards and fridge. He needed to get his mind off these ridiculous thoughts. After being gone for three weeks there was really no food in there that was eatable. He found a granola bar and a half empty bottle of apple juice that hadn't gone bad.

Back on the stool he knew he needed to go grocery shopping. There was a 24 hour Quickie mart down the road but he wanted to wait until the supermarket opened. He wanted to get real food, not the overpriced prepacked stuff.

Two hours later he sensed a movement from the couch. Stiles obviously started to wake up. Derek sighed silently. During the course of the night he'd come to a decision. The two of them could be friends. They could hang out on a casual basis and sooner or later all these stupid thoughts about a serious relationship would dwindle away to nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Stiles spent the night in Derek's loft and wonders how to deal with the consequences. Derek's behavior is extremely puzzling, but even if Stiles tries, he can not muster up the courage to ask about it. Sorry guys, no smut, just confucion and misunderstandings and a little bit of fluff.**

* * *

The first thought in Stiles' head as he started to wake up was that it was Saturday. He didn't have to rush out of bed to get ready for school. The second notion that entered his mind was the fact that he was fully dressed. And then, a split second later, as reality hit, his eyes flew open.

He was in Derek's loft. He'd fallen asleep on Derek's couch. A shiver went down his spine. He had to get out of there. He barely dared to move but he had to find out what time it was. He could see that it was light outside but he didn't know if the sun was up yet.

As he reached his hand out to grab the phone from the coffee table he realized that he was tucked in nicely in a multicolored quilt. Knowing what must have happened, it surprised him. He looked at the phone. "Six-thirty," he whispered to himself and then he got startled when he heard the sound of footsteps.

"Awake already? It's early." Derek's voice was coming from somewhere behind him and Stiles tensed up for a second. Then he sighed and managed to relax. He'd been sleeping on the couch for about five hours. Derek had obviously provided him with a blanket during the night, but he had not in any way shape or form tried to take advantage of him. There was no reason to believe that he'd do anything of the sort now.

"I should get back. I mean, before my dad gets home. He'll worry." Stiles didn't turn to look at Derek as he spoke. Actually, he didn't move a muscle more than necessary.

"You can send him a message. I'm going out to get some breakfast." Stiles could hear that Derek moved towards the door as he spoke. "I don't mind if you stay."

Stiles tensed up again and pondered on how to respond. Derek wanted him to stay, or at least he didn't mind if he stayed. Before he got a chance to say anything he heard the door slam shut and he was alone.

Playing with his cellphone for a few minutes he wondered what to do. With a heavy sigh he opened the messages and sent a text to his dad. "I'm at Scott's." He pressed send and leaned back staring into the ceiling. Suddenly realizing what he'd done he wished that he could have unsent it. What if Scott came by his house? What if his dad and Scott met by accident?

Stiles hurried to type another text message. This one went to Scott. "If dad asks, I'm at your place." After that he curled up under the quilt again and started to doze off. He was almost out when it hit him. If the text to his dad was a dumb idea, the message to Scott would definitely bring questions he didn't want to answer. "Idiot!" he said to himself. "Fucking idiot."

Wondering how to do damage control Stiles decided to play it by ear. He realized that no matter what, he didn't want to leave. Nobody needed to know that he'd been there the whole night.

Derek was behaving like a friend. It was slightly disappointing in a weird and twisted way, but being there – not fearing for his life – felt good. In a way he felt safe. He knew it was because he truly believed that Derek had moved on. This was a good thing. This was not something to get upset about. This was what he wanted. A nice Derek.

It felt like he'd made a choice, even if he never got a chance to express it. He'd either have a rough emotionless sex partner or a powerful but nice friend. If he'd ever been asked, he would have said that he wanted his cake and eat it too, but that was obviously out of the question.

A half hour later Derek was back and after pulling out some toiletries from one of the bags he carried, he put orange juice and a jar of peanut butter on the table. After that he made coffee and while it was brewing he turned to Stiles. "Get some plates. I'll take care of the rest."

Stiles flinched when Derek accidentally bumped into him as they set the table together. Derek took a step to the side and sighed. "Don't be scared. I'm not gonna hurt you." He continued with his task without hesitation and Stiles looked at him wide eyed. "I'm not scared." He huffed and rolled his eyes. "You just startled me. I'm perfectly calm."

He could hear a chuckle coming from Derek and the guy looked down and shook his head. "Okay, we can go with that. It's okay." Then he turned abruptly and stepped in front of Stiles. He was so close that Stiles could feel the warmth from the body. Stiles held his breath and started to tremble uncontrollably.

Derek leaned forward a bit. "Not scared at all. I can see that. You're very relaxed, right?" He didn't even try to hide the irony in his voice. Stiles managed to compose himself somewhat and moved away. "That's not fair. You are a werewolf. And you, you..." He sighed heavily. He didn't want to get into the past. This was a friendly breakfast and it had nothing to do with ancient history. Derek didn't pursue it any further either and for the next few minutes they worked together without a word uttered.

The table was set and Derek pulled a few more items out of the bag. "I really don't know what you like to eat, but I needed to stock up anyway." He put cold cuts and a variety of cheeses on the table. Fresh baked croissants and sliced Italian bread got put in a basket, and a broad assortment of condiments were stashed next to it.

Derek went over to the counter and poured coffee into two cups. "Milk? Sugar?" When Stiles didn't answer immediately Derek brought the bowl of sugar and a carton of half-and-half to the table balancing the coffee cups in one hand.

Realizing how hungry he was, Stiles grabbed some bread and started to pile it high with everything. Derek was chewing on a croissant and sipping the steaming hot coffee. "Seriously?" He looked at Stiles' sandwich and chuckled. "You can't wrap your lips over that. It's too big."

It sounded like an innuendo and Stiles blushed. "You have no idea about what I can do." To prove it he opened his mouth wide and managed to take a bite of the sandwich without dropping too much of it's contents on the plate. It was too much. He shewed vigorously so he wouldn't choke on the food but tears welled up in his eyes.

Derek laughed. He laughed out loud in amusement and with a sincerity that was astounding. Stiles had made this sourwolf happy. It felt good. This whole situation felt good. After managing to swallow that big bite Stiles smiled. "You're actually a quite decent host if you put your mind to it." He lifted his sandwich to take another bite. "I could get used to this."

Stiles' widened his eyes. Did he just say that? He lowered his gaze in embarrassment. He didn't plan to say those words and wondered what Derek would think about it. "I mean, I, this is good." He waved his hand in the air causing pickles and slivers of ham to fly out of his sandwich. A jalapeno hit Derek's chin and landed on the plate in front of him.

Stiles looked at it and held his breath. Derek picked it up and popped it in his mouth cocking his head. "I might not be such a good host if my guests throw food scraps at me." He furrowed his brows making Stiles a little tense. "It could hurt my feelings, you know," then he smiled widely and gave Stiles a wink, "or make me think that you want my attention."

Was this the moment he'd been waiting for? Was this the time for Stiles to tell Derek what he really wanted from him? He bit his lip before clearing his throat. "Well, yeah, about that... I, we should really, I mean..." He sighed. "I mean, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean to hit you with that, right?"

Derek's look was hard to decipher, it was like he tried to read Stiles' mind. For several seconds they stared into each others eyes before Derek suddenly pulled away from the table. "More coffee?"

The moment was over. Stiles shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm good." He concentrated on the food again and indulged himself in the flavors of it.

When the sound of an incoming text message came from his phone, he took a quick peek at it and pushed it away. It was from Scott. Derek looked at him curiously and Stiles rolled his eyes. "Scott wonders where I'm at." he huffed. "I'll tell him later." Or not, he thought to himself. Derek shrugged. "Why not now. He can come over too. There's enough food for him also."

Stiles' heart sunk. He really enjoyed being here alone with Derek, but it was clearly not mutual. Derek wanted to make this a party and invite others. Disappointed he reached for the phone, but then he looked up. "How can I explain it? How can I explain why I'm here this early?"

Derek seemed to think about it for a second. "So don't explain. We're friends, right?" He moved his hand to cover Stiles'. "We can hang out if we want to." Stiles looked at Derek's hand and could feel that he started to tremble a little. He swallowed hard. "Yeah, sure." He wanted Derek to grab it and hold on tight, instead he just kept his hand there, motionless.

When Derek's thumb moved a little stroking the side of Stiles' hand he hitched his breath and pulled away. "I can't. I should go. If you want Scott to come over call him yourself. I need to go." Scrambling to his feet he knocked over the half-and-half in the process. It wasn't completely closed so the contents ran out on the table causing a big mess.

Stiles covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry. I'll clean it up before I leave." He was about to walk over to the counter to get a rag when Derek got up and grabbed his wrist. "Don't worry about it. I'll fix it." Stiles wanted to throw himself into the guy's arms and stay there, but instead he took a step back. "Derek, I, Don't." He twisted his arm to come loose from the grip, but Derek held on.

"Stiles. Stop." He pulled Stiles closer and let go of the wrist. Then he wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tight. "Don't worry about the mess. Don't worry about anything." Stiles could feel Derek's hand on his back stroking it gently. He couldn't breathe. Not because he was held to tight, but because he didn't dare. He was afraid that if he moved a muscle this moment would be over.

He had to start breathing again, but other than that he kept completely still. Even if the situation was slightly arousing his dick seemed to be aware of the implications and stayed calm. Stiles wanted to move his arms and ease them around Derek's waist. He wanted to lift his head and look into his eyes, maybe even initiate a kiss, but he did none of those things.

Derek wasn't moving much either. Except for a finger that kept caressing a vertebrae on Stiles' back it was like they were in a freeze frame. His hands started prickling from just hanging there. The tension in his neck began to bother him. A loose thread from the seam on the shoulder on Derek's t-shirt tickled his nose and made him want to sneeze. Stiles fought against all these feelings and stayed put.

He had no idea on how long it had been, when he got startled by his phone ringing. Derek pulled away and rushed towards the kitchen counter where he grabbed a rag to wipe the table with. Stiles reached out for his phone in a kind of trance. It was Scott. He hesitated for a second before he answered. "Hey. What's up?" His own voice sounded weird so he cleared his throat. "I was gonna text you, but..." He couldn't possibly explain at the moment.

"Are you asking me what's up? Back at you. Where the hell are you?" Scott sounded both irritated and confused. Stiles sighed. "I'm at Derek's place." He braced himself for the questions that was bound to come. "Oh, okay? Why?" Scott sounded even more confused now.

Stiles looked at Derek and when the guy gave him a sinister grin he made a quick decision. "I went out to get some food and bumped into him. He invited me for breakfast. Weird, uh?" He paused for a second. "But I'm leaving soon. You want to come over to my place?"

Turned out that Scott had an early date with Allison and couldn't come, but promised to meet up with him later. "Allison is going to visit family with her dad tonight. We can hang out then?" Stiles confirmed that he was fine with that before he hung up.

Derek was sitting at the table obviously busy making a sandwich. He threw a quick peek at Stiles before he again concentrated on the food. "So I guess he's not coming?" It was a more a rhetorical question and Stiles didn't bother to answer. He wanted to continue where they let off but Derek was clearly not interested anymore.

"Ahem." Stiles managed to get Derek's attention. "I think it's better I go now. I mean. I can stay a little longer, of course, but you know?" What there was to know Stiles had no clear idea about. "We could, I mean, I could help... Did you have more coffee?"

Derek gave him a crocked smile and gestured towards the counter. "I think so." Stiles grabbed his cup and walked over to the coffeemaker. This is just stupid, he thought as he filled his cup. He went back to the table and sat down across from Derek. "Uh, Derek? I wonder... Maybe we should talk... about stuff."

Slowly Derek lifted his head and met Stiles' eyes. "Stuff? Economy? Politics? The last episode of Glee? What stuff?" There were no emotions in his voice and Stiles' heart sunk. It was like Derek had forgotten about the moment they just shared. "Oh, nothing. Forget about it. I just thought... No, forget it." He got up. "I should leave."

By the door he turned to Derek again. "I'm leaving. See you around." He tried to sound cheerful and wasn't completely dissatisfied with his own performance. Derek got up from his chair and walked towards him. "Okay. That's fine." He stopped a few feet away. "Don't think too much. Sometimes it's better to go with your gut."

Stiles had no idea what exactly Derek was referring to so he just shrugged. "Yeah, I usually do, why?" Everybody who'd known him for more than a half hour knew that Stiles was impulsive and often acted on pure instinct instead of trying to think about the consequences. More than once had he been threatened by Derek because he'd been too outspoken. So why would Derek say such a thing.

Derek looked down at his feet and threw his hands out. "No reason, just a good advice." He lifted his head and seemed to ponder over something. As Stiles reached for the door handle Derek moved quickly to block the exit. Stiles looked at him and shook his head. For some odd reason he wasn't scared, but this was just silly. If Derek didn't want him to leave, he could just say so.

Derek didn't move and Stiles saw no point in trying to push him away. That would be such an uneven fight, so he just stood there with a lopsided smile waiting for Derek to explain himself.

"I wasn't really addressing you." A little chuckle followed the words. "It was more advice to myself." He reached his hand out and let his fingers wrap around the back of Stiles' neck. With a quick pull of his arm their faces were inches apart. His other hand came up to Stiles' chin and with his thumb he stroke the bottom lip.

This time Stiles dared to move. He lifted his arms and let his hands rest on Derek's hips. Suddenly Derek moved in and kissed him. It was not a passionate mind-blowing kiss that would make your toes curl. It was dry and almost a little clumsy, but it wasn't the kind of kiss you say goodbye to your friend with either.

Before he managed to understand what had happened, Stiles was let go and practically pushed out the door. The door closed and he could hear that Derek locked it. For several seconds Stiles just stood there on the landing utterly confused.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: Still no smut. Stiles learns that the feelings he has for Derek might be reciprocated anyway. Maybe it's not love, but it's something. Regardless, Stiles is not able to see a future with Derek and does his best to avoid him, but it's practically impossible. A party at Derek's loft ends abruptly and Stiles finds himself alone with Derek for the first time in a long time.**

* * *

In a state of shock Stiles descended the stairs and exited the building. He made sure to close the front door behind him before he crossed the street and walked to his car. Settled in the front seat he started to come to his senses, but he could still not understand what happened up there. If he'd been confused and taken aback by Derek's behavior the last few hours, it was nothing compared to what went on in his mind at the moment.

The only thing he managed to understand from all of this, was that Derek wasn't done with him. What was installed for later encounters was still somewhat blurry.

Stiles had always known that their relationship had been somewhat lopsided. He'd never really believed that Derek did this for any other reason than for his own satisfaction. He'd always thought that Derek's feelings for him didn't run particularly deep.

This morning's events threw him off big time. If he'd had a hard time getting over Derek, this made it even worse. Derek's awkward display of emotions was somewhat puzzling, but it gave Stiles hope. Furrowing his brows, he gave it a second thought. Hope of what exactly?

Being in love with Derek was something Stiles had accepted. It was not, however, a desired feeling. He didn't want to feel like this. Not only because Derek was werewolf, but also because he was a dude. It was just too complicated.

Stiles had always considered himself heterosexual. Thinking about it he realized that he'd never really given it a thought. From early on it had always been Lydia. He had never had a crush on anyone but her, and from that he'd just assumed...

Another thing he'd picked up on was that, in Derek's opinion, humans and werewolves weren't supposed to be together. So what about Scott and Allison? They managed just fine, even if Derek didn't approve.

He tried to picture a future where he and Derek were a couple. It was impossible, so what could he really hope for?

What it really boiled down to was that if he entered onto this path, it could only lead to more heartbreak and confusion. Even if Derek showed him some emotion and displayed a genuine interest in comforting him, Stiles could not see that it would change much. Another round of clandestine visits was not desired.

Stiles decided that what happened didn't really change a thing. It was really no big deal and the last couple of weeks he'd managed just fine. There were times that he didn't even think about Derek for hours. He'd had fun with his friends, worked hard at school and done his chores without complaining.

He'd been happy and content. Scott had even commented on it. His friend hadn't mentioned the scars and bruises, he'd never asked Stiles why he'd behaved so strange during the previous weeks. He'd just casually let Stiles know that he was happy about the fact that he was himself again.

Stiles didn't know if Scott suspected that it had anything to do with Derek. He sometimes caught his friend staring at him curiously. If anyone mentioned Derek's name Stiles had done his best to stay composed, but he wasn't sure if he'd been able to fool Scott.

It was a long time ago since Stiles decided that if he ever asked, Scott would get the whole story. He couldn't possibly lie to him anymore. But as days went by without a confrontation, Stiles started to relax about it.

It was only in at night, when he was all alone, that he allowed himself to indulge in the memories. That's when he let his guard down and drove past Derek's place. During late night hours, if he had a hard time falling asleep, he dug out that sheet and clenched it to his chest.

Stiles knew it would take a while to get over it, and he'd accepted that. He'd taken one day at time and discovered that it was possible to push Derek out of his head as long as he stayed busy.

And then this happened. The walls he'd built in his mind to shield himself form it all wasn't more than a house of cards. With what happened there in Derek's loft it felt as if a gust of wind drove through his head and tore it all down.

Stiles knew he had to stay away. He couldn't risk being alone with Derek ever again. Not until he'd gotten over this, anyway. If Derek as much as looked at him weirdly he'd walk away and show him that he was done with the whole ordeal. Deep down he felt somewhat empowered after Derek's display of emotion. He felt he had a better hand now and could possibly be able to control this game. With surprise he discovered that he wasn't even scared anymore.

-o-o-o-o-

Derek didn't know what happened. He leaned on the door and started questioning himself. He couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around it, but what it all boiled down to was the fact that Stiles made him happy. He hadn't really felt happy since, since the fire.

This happiness wasn't pure, though. He'd tainted it with his own desire. Stiles was an innocent victim of Derek's frustration.

It was perfectly clear that Stiles wanted him, and he'd been aware of it for some time. Regardless of this, taking advantage of the young boy was really a crime, and he wished it had never happened

Leaving town hadn't changed anything so doing it again wasn't an option. Derek knew he had to handle it differently this time around.

He had been pretty sure about the reasons for Stiles showing up. The boy had got tangled into this with his heart on his sleeve. He was young and could be confused by his own feelings. With a humorless smile he thought about Stiles as a newly hatched duckling. Derek was his first and now he had imprinted on him.

It would pass. Stiles was smart and as soon as he himself realized that this was going nowhere, he'd move on. In the meantime they could just stay away from each other.

It might not be totally doable, they pretty much hung out with the same people, but Derek decided to start treating Stiles as a friend. Just as a friend. No more innuendos, no flirting or touching. It would be easy. Isaac, Scott and the others would not be able to tell the difference.

-o-o-o-o-

Over the next couple of weeks a few things changed radically. Scott had a fall out with Allison and the two of them decided to take a break. Isaac – who had lived around with different friends and relatives – was now a permanent fixture in Derek's loft. With Allison out of the way for the time being Scott hung out with the werewolves more often, and Stiles always tagged along. Almost every evening they ended up at Derek's playing games or just chilling.

Boyd and Erica crashed there from time to time. Sometimes other wolves were there too. People Stiles didn't know. They always treated him with suspicion but over time they mostly chose to ignore him.

Stiles was never alone with Derek, and they really never talked much either. If Derek addressed him it was only to ask if he wanted a drink or something. And even then it wasn't necessarily directed to him. It was often a general question thrown out to whoever was there at the moment. It seemed like Derek did his best to avoid any one-on-one conversation.

Hanging out with Derek and the pack on a regular basis didn't do Stiles any good when it came to his feelings for the guy. He sometimes considered a change of scenery, but it was almost like he was dragged there by invisible forces. He tried to blame it on Scott for wanting him there, but he knew that he didn't need any coercion.

Stiles was pretty sure that Derek could sense how he was longing for a sign of some sort. He'd been able to sniff out that Stiles was turned on by him ages ago, and back then they didn't even hang out that much.

At home Stiles still had the sheet tucked under his pillow. Sometimes during the night he could have sworn he heard howling nearby, but decided that it was only a figment of his own imagination. He did, however, peek out the window just in case.

It wasn't like he wanted Derek to come sneaking in at night. Stiles was over that part. He'd discovered that he wanted more. He wanted to be able to let Derek in through the front door and not be ashamed about it. He wanted to cuddle up with Derek in front of the TV even if there were other people present. He wanted to laugh with him and tease him. He wanted to be bold and cheeky with him when all their friends were around. Disturbingly enough, he also wanted to feel the pain from Derek's claws and was willing to totally submit to him if they ever ended up in bed together again.

Most of the time he managed to act normal. He threw out stupid comments and made a fool of himself on a regular basis. Every time he spotted a ghost of a smile on Derek's face after he'd delivered a funny line, Stiles felt a flutter in his stomach. But still – after three weeks – there were not a sign to indicate that Derek even remembered what happened the last time they were alone together.

One Friday after school Scott came running towards the car and announced that Derek was throwing a party. "A pack from up north is coming. I think they are relatives of him." Scott looked excited and jumped into the passenger seat with a big grin on his face. "A female Alpha and a couple of cute girls, I've been told."

Stiles looked at him with a frown. "And Allison? Are you guys, like, you know, over?" Even if Stiles felt that Allison took his best friend away, he still liked the two of them together. She was cool and sweet, and … hot.

Scott shrugged. "I don't know. No, but you know... It'll be nice to hang out with a few girls. Erica doesn't count. She is too deep into Boyd, and anyway... she's a bitch." With a sigh he looked over at Stiles. "I want Allison to worry. I'm not gonna... you know. But, oh, I miss her." For a moment he looked really sad but then a smile lit up his face. "It'll be fun. There will be alcohol."

-o-o-o-o-o-

The Alpha was probably around thirty. She was stunningly beautiful and the moment Stiles walked into the room behind Scott she pierced him with her dark, gorgeous eyes. "A human? I'm disappointed in you, Derek. You hang out with humans?" She still had her gaze fixed on Stiles, but her hand stroke Derek's upper arm. They were standing close together by the kitchen counter and she didn't seem to worry one bit about the fact that Stiles could hear her.

Stiles tried to hide behind his friend and pulled on Scott's sleeve. He was pretty sure that Scott had heard her too. "Hey, maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here." He whispered, knowing perfectly well that the wolves could hear him regardless.

"Bullshit!" Scott dragged him towards the two Alphas and introduced himself and Stiles. "This human is special. He has helped us a lot." He turned to Derek and threw his hands out. "Tell her." Derek looked like he wanted to escape. It was perfectly clear the he was uncomfortable in the situation and it pleased Stiles. He wondered what Derek was going to say.

"It's true, Hester. He is special. One of a kind. I will protect him, so don't even..." Derek was looking at Hester as he spoke, but he threw a quick glance in Stiles' direction. "He's part of the reason we can live here peacefully."

-o-o-o-o-

During the evening Stiles got introduced to her pack. The three boys, in their early twenties, had an obvious crush on their Alpha. Stiles didn't need any werewolf senses to see that. They were practically drooling over her, and when she flirted shamelessly with Derek they seemed to shrink visibly. Stiles felt for them. He knew exactly what they went through.

The other two members of her pack was a couple of twin girls. They shared Hester's features and they behaved like bratty kids. Stiles later learned that they were her nieces. Scott was obviously taken by them but Stiles didn't feel comfortable in their presence and did his best to avoid them. He'd gotten used to hanging around the werewolves but these new acquaintances took his fears to a new level.

Derek had said he'd protect him, but Stiles couldn't see that the guy ever threw a glance his way. When Joy – her name did not fit, she was mostly grumpy – decided to give Stiles a bit of attention, he feared for his life, but no one came to his rescue.

Derek and Hester had their own thing going on, Scott was busy chatting up the other twin – Jade – and Isaac hung with the three boys obviously trying to get their minds off their Alpha. Boyd and Erica had disappeared somewhere and Stiles was pretty sure about what they were doing.

"I'm really not interested." He tried to get up but Joy pinned him down with a hand on his shoulder. "I know what you're thinking, but give it up. Derek's an Alpha, you'll never get him." She tilted her head and stared into his eyes. "If you want to get it on with a werewolf you have to settle for Betas." She stroke his cheek and moved in to kiss him. "I can show you a good time. No strings attached." Joy leaned in and as her lips touched his, a few things changed around them.

"Okay, the party is over." Derek's voice roared through the loft. Everyone in there stared at him in confusion. Isaac took a step towards him and smiled hesitantly. "Uh, what? We're just starting to have fun." He stopped when Derek threw him a piercing stare. "Okay." Isaac withdrew but he looked utterly disappointed.

With a snap of her fingers Hester soon had her pack gathered around her. "I don't know what just happened, but I do understand that we have outstayed our welcome. Come on!"

As they left Derek turned to Isaac and waved his hand in the air. "Go to bed, Stiles and Scott will help me clean up the place." He started collecting empty bottles and cups as if this was a normal end to any party. Isaac was about to protest, but then he walked off with a shrug.

Scott looked just as surprised as the others. He looked at Derek. "I don't know what got into you, but you can't order me around, I'm not part of your pack." He stood firm in the middle of the floor with his arms crossed over his chest.

Derek shook his head. "Sorry. You can go if you want. Stiles and I can fix it." He didn't even look up. "Go!" When Scott made no attempt to leave Derek finally turned to him. "What?" Scott sighed. "If I leave, Stiles leaves."

They both looked at Stiles sitting on the couch. He didn't know what to say. He was still confused about what happened. When the two wolves kept staring he cleared his throat. "I, I can help. My dad doesn't expect me home anyway. He's at work."

Scott rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Suit yourself. I'm leaving." Turning to Derek he frowned. "You've been behaving lite a twat lately. More than usual. I know why. If you... If you..." He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "If you hurt Stiles in any way shape or form I'll come after you. I'll kill you."

Seconds later Derek and Stiles were the only ones left. Stiles was still sitting on the couch not knowing what to do. Looking at the table filled with empty bottles and bowls of snacks he slowly got up and grabbed a few of them. If Derek wanted him to help, he'd definitely do that. He didn't feel forced to do it. He was not scared of Derek anymore. It was just... He wanted to. If Derek wanted him to help out, he'd do that.

As he walked across the floor towards the kitchen counter, he swallowed hard when he noticed that Derek was standing there staring at him. He put the bottles down and turned to pick up more when Derek stepped in front of him. "Stop it. I can do this myself. I'm quick." His hand came up to Stiles' cheek. "I tried. I failed. I..." He let his hand fall down. "If you want to stay you have to sleep on the couch. I won't bother you."

Stiles was a little drunk, but he knew perfectly well what he was doing. He grabbed Derek's hand and lifted it to his lips. "Only if, only if you sleep there with me."


	10. Chapter 10

**Derek has to admit to himself that this realtionship means more to him than it should. The fact that Stiles isn't so scared anymore makes it interesting on a whole new level.**

* * *

Derek had never thought of himself as a jealous kind of guy, but when one of those twins – Joy? - tried to seduce Stiles, he'd had enough. He was pretty sure that Stiles didn't understand why he threw out the guests, but it really didn't matter.

Hester understood; Derek could see it in her eyes as she left with her pack. The disappointment and the hint of disdain was clearly visible on her face. Derek couldn't care less. He was more concerned about the fact that Scott seemed to be aware of what was going on. He wondered if Stiles had mentioned anything about it to his friend, or if he'd just sensed it on his own.

It really didn't matter at the moment. Derek had made a fool of himself – again – and this time he couldn't easily fix it. He'd overheard what Joy had said to Stiles. He'd overheard her say that he couldn't possibly have a chance with an Alpha. In reality, she was correct. It was frowned upon, but so what? Derek could make his own choices. He could make his own reality. He could...

Watching Stiles getting up from the couch and start picking bottles of the table, Derek wondered if the boy did it because he felt forced to. He listened to Stiles' heartbeat and discovered that even if it wasn't completely relaxed he could not sense any fear from the guy. It surprised him, but he felt pleased by it.

As Stiles was about to head back to the table, Derek grabbed his arm. "Stop it. I can do this myself. I'm quick." He lifted his hand to Stiles' cheek. "I tried. I failed. I... If you want to stay you have to sleep on the couch. I won't bother you."

Derek didn't know what to expect but the reply threw him off big time. Staring into his eyes Stiles grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Only if, only if you sleep there with me."

There wasn't as much as a slight tremor in Stiles' voice. He looked a little flustered, but he didn't avert his gaze for a moment. Derek didn't know what to say. For the first time since, since they met he felt like Stiles had the upper hand. A whole minute went by without a movement from any of them. Then Stiles let go of Derek's hand and sighed. A lopsided smile appeared before he turned around and walked towards the door. "Okay. It's okay."

Derek stood there dumbfounded for a second before he hurried to cover the exit. "No, don't go." He lifted both hands and cupped Stiles' cheeks. "I want you to stay. Please stay," then he leaned in an let their lips meet in a gentle kiss.

When he pulled back Derek could see a hint of mischief in Stiles' eyes, and it surprised him when the boy started laughing. He could feel a blush coming on and he wondered for a moment if he'd been tricked. He narrowed his eyes and let go of Stiles' cheeks. The guy obviously tried his best to compose himself, but he only succeeded partially.

Still chuckling Stiles threw his arms around Derek's neck and clung to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just, just. I was a little nervous and..." He drew his breath. "I didn't, I wasn't sure if... Oh, fuck it." He pulled back a little and licked his lips before he pressed them against Derek's neck.

"I'll find a blanket." Derek gave Stiles' back a quick stroke. "You can use the bathroom first." Stiles let go and smiled shyly before he walked over to the couch and picked up his jacket. "I brought a toothbrush. I didn't know... I thought I was going to Scott's house tonight."

Derek hurried to tidy a little. He knew that Boyd and Erica were occupying his room and pondered about chucking them out of there, but then he decided to let them be. It could possibly get a little embarrassing for everybody involved. Derek picked up all the empty bottles and cups before he grabbed a rag to wipe the table. "I can do that." Stiles was back and took the rag out of his hand. "Get ready for bed, I'll clean up the rest."

Derek shrugged and padded towards the bathroom. He wondered what had gotten into Stiles. The guy seemed so confident and almost presumptuous. It was slightly annoying. Derek wanted to be in charge, but now he felt that he'd lost the momentum.

When Derek came back to the living room, Stiles was staring at the couch. "It's not that big, I mean..." Stiles threw his hands out. "This may not work." Derek shook his head and smiled. "It will, come here." He lied down on his side and scooted back as far as he could, pressing against the back of the couch. Stiles looked at the space between Derek and the edge of the couch. "Okay, it will work, I'm not that big."

It was a tight squeeze but when Stiles was settled with his back against Derek's chest, and Derek wrapped his arm around him it was almost comfortable.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Stiles didn't feel particularly rested when he woke up in the morning. The hangover was manageable but the sleep itself had been a little choppy. He'd been so tense during the night that his whole back was hurting now. Derek had got up a while ago and Stiles didn't know where he was. He'd tried to sneak off the couch without waking Stiles, and Stiles let him believe he managed. It was actually a relief to be left alone. Not because he didn't want Derek there, but he'd been right from the beginning. The couch was too small for two people to sleep comfortably.

It had been impossible to move, not only because he was in danger of falling off, but mostly because Derek held him so tight that any attempt to shift was futile. Stiles wasn't sure if Derek slept at all. Every time he woke up during the night – and it was often – he was pretty sure Derek was awake also.

Pulling the blanket tighter around himself, Stiles decided to try and sleep some more. No matter what would happen between him and Derek from now on it dcould wait. As he huddles under the cover he could hear faint noises in the background. There was the sound of a door opening and closing, water running and imperceptible whispers from somewhere behind him. Stiles didn't want to let it bother him.

But of course it did. Instead of forcing himself to sleep, Stiles started to pay attention to the conversation. "But why is he still here?" It was Isaac. He was still whispering but the pitch of his voice made it audible. A shush that sounded more like a growl was heard, before the conversation again was too faint to make out.

Stiles got extremely curious. He wondered if they were talking about him. He wondered about Derek's reply to the question. There were no time to ponder over it before a loud giggle and a slam of a door broke the almost silence in there.

Seconds later, Erica came through the living area singing on an old show-tune. The singing stopped when she was only a few feet from the couch. "Thanks for letting us use your room. I hope the couch was comfort..." She suddenly went silent. "Oh?" She lowered her voice. "Where did you sleep? I mean... If he's there?" Stiles could see her legs as she rounded the couch and obviously looked at him.

"I didn't... sleep." Derek sighed before he continued. "I need my bed back." Stiles wasn't sure if he could fake it any longer. He was about to alert them that he was awake when Derek again spoke. "Get your asses out of here." And after a little hesitation. "Yeah, you too Isaac."

Isaac was obviously about to protest, but he didn't get very far. "It's okay, he's sleeping. He won't bother me." Now Stiles knew that it was him Derek was referring to so he tried to make his breath sound relaxed and even.

For about ten minutes, Stiles listened to footsteps and whispers before he heard the front door close. He stayed still for another couple of minutes before he slowly lifted his head and looked around. He was alone in the room.

Still a little tired, Stiles looked at the clock. It was almost eight. He figured that Derek had gone to bed in his own room after kicking out the rest of the wolves. Stiles got up and snuck over to the bathroom. If Derek was awake he'd probably hear him regardless, but he still tried to be as quiet as possible.

After peeing and brushing his teeth, Stiles wondered if he should just leave. It was pretty clear to him that Derek didn't mind him being there, but he didn't want to sit there alone just waiting for the guy to come out of his room. He was still tired and contemplated on going back to sleep, but felt he was too antsy to actually succeed.

Derek was obviously not interested in anyone finding out about them. Maybe he was waiting until he was sure that the others had left and then he'd come back? Stiles decided to give him a few minutes. He sat down on the couch and checked his phone. There was a message from his dad telling him to be home by one. There were no explanation, and Stiles didn't want to ask.

Ten minutes later, Derek was still in his room. Stiles started humming a little. If Derek thought he was sleeping it could be a good reason for him to stay away. Nothing happened, so Stiles tried to come up with something that would bring Derek out. The table was empty except for a lonely glass of water. Stiles looked at it for a second before he reached his hand out and pushed it till it fell off. The sound of the glass shattering against the floor was bound to alert Derek that he was awake.

Another few minutes went by. Stiles stared at the door to Derek's room, expecting it to open any second. "Fuck it." Stiles said out loud to himself as he got up to clean up the mess. He wondered why Derek didn't show up, and was afraid that what happened last night was just another display of affection that was going nowhere.

Sick and tired of Derek's wishy-washy behavior, Stiles decided to take matter into his own hands. After picking up all the shards of glass and wiping up the water, he walked straight to the bedroom door. His heart was racing as he turned the knob.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Derek was lying on his bed staring into the air. The room was reeking with sex. He knew he should probably have changed the sheets but instead he just covered it up with the comforter and lied down on top of it.

He could hear Stiles get up and go to the bathroom. He heard him hum – so totally out of tune, it should have been illegal – and he was pretty sure Stiles did it to alert him that he was awake. When the glass shattered, Derek was about to get up but managed to stay put.

There was no doubt in his mind about what would happen if he went out there. Derek knew he would probably just go at it and fuck the guy senseless. It'd been so long and he could hardly contain himself. He was pretty sure Stiles wouldn't protest, even if he had showed no fear lately. The only reason he didn't, was because – and it was slightly disturbing – he felt an urge to caress and comfort Stiles before he had his way with him.

It wasn't only about sex anymore. He couldn't possibly go out there and pretend. Indulged in his own thoughts, Derek didn't even notice that the door opened. He startled when he looked up to see Stiles standing in the doorway.

"I couldn't sleep." Stiles took a few steps forward. "Derek, I understand the deal with the Alphas and humans and... you know, but I..." Before Derek's eyes, Stiles seemed to shrink a couple of inches. It looked like he was in pain and It was impossible to not be affected. Derek rubbed his eyes before he patted the bed. "Come."

Stiles only needed to take one more step before he was close enough to sit down on the edge of the bed. "I just, I, I want you to..." He put his hand on Derek's thigh. "Nobody needs to know. It'll be our secret. We can be good to each other."

When Stiles' hand moved to unbutton his jeans, Derek had to force himself to stay calm. His dick was not paying attention to his mind and it grew slowly inside his boxers as Stiles' fingers touched it briefly.

"I'm not very good at this, as you know." Stiles uttered before he leaned over and put his mouth to Derek's penis through the fabric. "This is my own choice." The words were slightly muffled since Stiles' lips were nipping on the waistband of Derek's underwear.

Stiles' skill-level on blow-jobs could still be improved, but he was definitely determined. The whole scenario in itself was so arousing that Derek had nothing to complain about. The moment Stiles managed to get the suction right, Derek had to push him off as he panted, "No, I'm gonna cum. No." He tried to calm himself.

Stiles looked disappointed but at the same time he seemed extremely pleased with himself. "I think I'm getting the hang of it. And I..." He turned away, blushing. "I think I like it."

All the defenses Derek had built up over the past few weeks crumbled in an instant. The fact that he'd cracked a couple of times and showed Stiles some affection was nothing compared to what happened in his head at the moment. It had nothing to do with the blow-job, but Stiles' boldness regarding it was a trigger.

"Stiles, no! You can do better. You don't want me. I'm gonna hurt you, over and over." Derek grabbed onto Stiles' shoulders and pulled him close. "You have no idea. You should, you should... Oh, crap! I don't want you to go, but you should."

Stiles managed to lift his head a couple of inches off Derek's chest. "You're probably right. But you can't hurt me anymore than you've done already." He tried to catch Derek's eyes. "I'm willing to play this game with your rules. The only demand I'll make is that you don't just leave."

Without warning Derek flipped them over so that he was on top. "I wanted to protect you. But I guess it's too late." His hands trembles slightly as he gently started to undress Stiles. He fought the urge to tear the clothes off, and he managed to go slow.

When Stiles lied there buck naked, Derek hurried to get out of his pants and underwear. With a heavy sigh, he lied down again and moved in for a kiss. "Oh, God, I don't know if..., erm, I will try not to..." He got cut off. Stiles stared up at him as he spoke. "NO! Don't even go there. I told you: Your rules. Please be yourself. The physical pain is... okay." Stiles was blushing but he didn't turn away. "I mean, I, oh just be you."

Derek could not concentrate with Stiles staring like that. He gave the guy a rap on the thigh. "Turn over." When Stiles didn't make any attempt to do so, Derek got a little surprised. If Stiles wanted to play this game, he should at least be able to take a direct order. Suddenly it struck him. Commandingly, he grabbed Stiles' butt-cheek and squeezed as hard as he dared. "Turn, Bitch."

This time Stiles did as he was told and Derek realized that no matter what he did, Stiles was in complete control. It actually felt good. And he realized that this could be an interesting relationship.

He wanted to drag it out, but without any release for weeks, Derek decided to just get it over with. They would have plenty of time to explore this new dynamic. As he prepped Stiles, Derek leaned over. "I'm gonna fuck you now, and you are gonna be a good boy and tell me how much you like it."

With his dick lubed up to the hilt he pushed forward and slid inside with ease. Stiles hitched his breath and whimpered a little but then he pushed back. "You like it rough? Tell me about it." Derek let his nails run over Stiles' back.

Stiles was quiet for another few seconds but as Derek was thrusting into him violently, he started talking frantically. "You're so good for me, ah, oh, yes. I love this, I love what you're doing to me." The moment Derek released his load up Stiles' ass he could hear Stiles panting into the pillow. "I love you."


	11. Chapter 11

**They are back together and this time it's different. Stiles is not scared anymore but he feesl that he needs a confidant. When he suspects that Scott knows he wants to reveal it all, but then...**

**Derek is questioning the whole deal.**

* * *

"I have to get back to work and stay. We have a bad case of the flu at the station." Mr Stilinski was busy packing a bag. "I don't even know if I have time to come home until Monday."

Stiles was standing by the kitchen counter eating a sandwich, listening to his dad. "It'll be okay, right?" The sheriff looked at his son with concern. Stiles just shrugged. "Why wouldn't it?" He took another bite and turned to his dad.

"Well, you haven't been home alone in a while. Every time I leave you're at Scott's. I worry about you." He did look worried and Stiles had to smile. He knew exactly what his dad was referring to. It was true. He hadn't been home alone for forever. Of course his dad wondered about it. "Oh, it's just been... I'll be fine."

Stiles moved to sit down by the table but as his ass hit the seat he realized it was a bad idea. His left butt-cheek was bruised badly. Derek had squeezed it too hard. In the heat of the moment Stiles hadn't even thought about it, but now it was impossible to sit comfortably.

There were a few scars on his body also, but they weren't particularly deep. It was more like scratches. Derek had been somewhat gentle. Partly, Stiles guessed, because the whole thing was over too soon. Not that he felt the need to complain. They were both eager for a release after all this time.

Stiles stared into the air and thought about this mornings events. When they lied there after it didn't take long before he started to doze off. With Derek's arms around him he felt safe and comfortable. The pain was bearable, but he worried a little about the continuation. Derek hadn't really prepped him well enough and there was a burning sensation in his ass.

The worries were pushed aside when his phone rang. Stiles was still half asleep when he rushed naked out of the room to pick it up from the coffee table. It was from Scott. "Are you okay? He didn't... Where are you?"

Stiles looked around Derek's loft and sighed. "I just woke up. I'm still at Derek's. I'm fine." He remembered Scott's words from last night and wondered if his friend really knew. If he knew why Derek had been behaving strange and aloof lately. If so, he'd definitely address it. "So when will you leave? We need to talk." Scott sounded a little annoyed and Stiles decided that it was better to get this over with. "Soon, I'm leaving soon. You can come over to my place in a bit. I'll call you."

In Derek's bedroom he lied down and kissed Derek on the cheek. "I have to go. Sorry." Derek looked at him under half lidded eyes. "I understand. I'll see you around." A little smirk appeared. "You're welcome here anytime."

There were no need for a lengthy farewell. They both knew that this wasn't over. This was a new beginning.

Stiles smiled to himself thinking about it. The pain from it bothered him enough to force him out of his seat. It hadn't been a problem as he drove home, but now he was sure that it would be impossible to sit comfortably for a while. It would be somewhat annoying at times but it was also disturbingly arousing. "Why did you even need me to come home if you're leaving now anyway?" He looked at his dad as he padded back to lean on the counter.

Mr Stilinski cocked his brows. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. You have been reluctant to be home alone lately." Then he scoffed and picked up his bag. "And honestly, I wanted to make sure you were alive and well. You have some odd new friends, they concern me."

With a chuckle Stiles looked at his dad. "Oh, they're okay. Don't worry. I can take care of myself." With a little tilt of his head he tried to put up an innocent face. "And you know, if I had some money I'd do even better."

The sheriff pointed to the cupboard. "I left some cash for you there. Usual spot. Don't spend it all in one place." With a quick wave he was out the door.

As soon as he was alone Stiles picked up the phone and called Scott to tell him that he was home. He just got time to jump in the shower and clean up before his friend rang the doorbell. "It's open, I'm getting dressed." He yelled as he entered his room to find some clothes. He looked at the bruise on his butt. I was not particularly visible, but Stiles suspected that it was just a matter of time. A blueish tint was starting to appear.

"So tell me what happened." Scott didn't even wait for Stiles to enter the kitchen before he started his inquiries. Scott had found some Pepsi in the fridge and was no sitting by the kitchen table sipping his drink.

Stiles threw his hands out. He had wanted to tell, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. "Nothing. Derek gave me a blanket and let me sleep on the couch. Nothing happened. He didn't even need me to help clean up." He shrugged and walked over to the kitchen counter.

Scott sighed heavily. "Be careful, Stiles. I'm pretty sure I know what Derek wants from you." He fiddle with the edge of the tablecloth as he looked at Stiles and shook his head. "I'm afraid you'd do something stupid."

The words made Stiles a little nervous. Scott was a werewolf, he could have sensed it. Was it possible that he really knew? "Me, doing something stupid? Me? You know me, I'll be fine." He tried to smile but Scott's expression was a little bit of a hindrance. "Yeah, exactly. I know you. And I know Derek. Don't let him smooth talk you into anything you don't want."

Stiles swallowed hard. This was not going to be easy, but he decided to at least give Scott a little sliver of truth. "I understand what you're thinking, but Derek is being very friendly and I'm sure he wouldn't do... I mean, he, I kinda like him, you know." He closed his eyes and tried to find the right words when Scott slammed his hand onto the table. "Stop! Don't. This is how he's like. He'll coerce you. Like he did with Isaac and Boyd and..." Scott kept shaking his head. "He'll probably make it sound like being a werewolf is a cakewalk, but it isn't."

It was impossible to hold back the laughter. Scott thought Derek wanted Stiles in his pack, that he wanted to turn him. The relief when he realized this made him crack. Stiles clung to the counter and tried to control himself as Scott stared at him wide eyed. "What? What's so funny?" The look on Scott's face made the whole situation even more hilarious and Stiles felt tears welling up in his eyes from laughing so hard.

When he eventually managed to collect himself he smiled at Scott. "I understand, I can understand your thinking." He had to stop to let out a little chuckle. "Don't worry, I will not let him do that." He wondered if Scott would think he had lost it completely, that he'd gone crazy or something. There was a possibility that his friend would demand an explanation to this weird reaction. Stiles twisted his head to try to come up with something.

"What's wrong with you? Are you on something?" Scott looked annoyed. "I mean, it's a genuine concern. If you think Derek wouldn't do it because you are his so called friend, you're delusional." He threw his hands out. "And can you sit down, please. Looks like you're about to flee."

Stiles padded over to the table and pulled a chair out. He sat down on the edge of it trying to avoid putting pressure on his bruised butt-cheek. "I'm sorry, Scott. I just think that if Derek wanted to do that, I'd know."

Shaking his head again Scott gave Stiles a pitying stare. "You're too naive. But at least you're aware now." He put his elbows on the table and leaned his head in his hands. "Anyway, what about last night? Do you know why the party was over so sudden?"

-o-o-o-o-

Scott stayed the whole evening. Since Stiles was unable to give any explanation to why the party ended, they didn't discuss it anymore. Instead they spent time playing games, listening to music and for almost an hour Stiles was forced to listen to Scott's ranting on about his plan to get Allison back.

When they got hungry Stiles made an excuse to avoid going out. He didn't want to sit in the car and definitely he didn't want to sit in a restaurant. The couch was fine, it was soft an cushiony against his butt-cheek. They ended up ordering Chinese, and Scott went out and picked it up.

They were both tired after last night, none of them had really slept much, so when Scott fell asleep on the couch, Stiles decided to let him be. He found a blanket and tucked him in before he put the boxes with leftovers in the fridge and went to bed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It wasn't so much a knock. It was more a gentle tap. Stiles wasn't even sure where it came from at first. So much time had passed since Derek used to come through his window that he'd totally didn't expect it now. He hurried out of bed to unlatch it and looked at Derek. "You can't come now. Scott is sleeping downstairs." He whispered as Derek lifted a finger to his lips in a silent gesture. "Shh, don't worry." Then he slipped inside and wrapped his arms around Stiles kissing him on the forehead. "We're not gonna wake him up."

Derek pulled away and threw his jacket over the bedpost before he started unbuttoning his pants. "I just want to sleep." With his t-shirt and boxers still on he grabbed Stiles' hand and walked over to the bed. "Just lie down with me."

Under the covers Derek flung his arm over Stiles' torso and pulled him close. Stiles was practically naked except for pajama pants and when Derek's hand rubbed over his naked chest goosebumps appeared. He tried to settle in and get comfortable in Derek's embrace, but it was impossible to not get aroused by the intimacy.

A quick kiss on the cheek was all he got before Derek closed his eyes and seemed to be determined to go to sleep. Oh, how he'd been longing for a moment like this. It couldn't compare with that awkward few hours on Derek's couch. This was actually comfortable. Cuddling up like this was so nice and... not really relaxing.

Stiles couldn't help fantasizing about the thing he would have wanted Derek to do to him if they were alone in the house. He cursed at himself for not having the foresight to send Scott home. Derek lied completely still and his breath was even. He seemed to be sleeping soundly already. In the meantime Stiles' cock had woke up and was on alert.

Very slowly Stiles eased his hand under the covers and inside his own pants. He tried to squeeze his dick into submission, but that only made it worse. He couldn't exactly jerk himself off without Derek noticing, but he felt an intense urge to do something.

He gave his member a gentle tug, staring intently at the guy next to him. There were no reaction so after rubbing his thumb over the head he gave it another tug. He startled when Derek shifted a little but the guy didn't wake up.

He lifted his other hand to his mouth and tried to produce enough saliva to cover them up. Satisfied with his work, he reached his hand down to his own entrance and started rubbing the hole. It was sore from this morning, but the slight pain made it all so much more intense. He managed to get a finger inside and had to bite his lip to cover up a moan.

It wasn't so easy to reach the sweet spot in this position, but just fingering himself with Derek so close was extremely arousing. When he forced the other finger inside he had to stop to take a breath or two. Lube would have been better, but he didn't even know where that little bottle Derek had left behind ages ago, were right now.

He shifted between rubbing his finger over the slit and giving his cock a tug from time to time. When he realized that he was about to cum, he tried to stop. He had to hitch his breath in order to calm down somewhat. He'd had his eyes closed, but now he opened them slightly to check if Derek had heard him.

The smirk on Derek's face was a clear giveaway even if his eyes were still closed. Stiles blushed and froze up. When he felt a hand cover his own around his dick he started moving again and after a few tugs he cummed squeezing his lips together to avoid any noise slipping out between them.

"You do that a lot?" Derek whispered into his ear. Stiles shook his head. "No, well, I do help myself, but..." A tongue in his ear made it a little difficult to continue. "I, I, only when I'm alone." Derek's rubbed one finger over the cum on Stiles' stomach. Then he moved his hand down between Stiles' thighs. He touched the puckered hole. Stiles' fingers were still inside. "And do you think of me when you finger yourself?" Sticky with cum he forced his finger inside next to Stiles'. Stiles whimpered in pain. "Yes, yes I do. Please stop. Scott... you know, he's..."

Derek chuckled silently and twisted his finger slowly. "You started this. Why won't you let me finish?" Crawling in between Stiles' legs Derek scooped up more cum and used it to lube up his own dick. He pulled his finger out and pushed Stiles hand aside. "It'll be fine. He won't hear you." Then he covered Stiles mouth with his hand before he aimed his dick at the entrance and eased himself inside.

Derek moved slow. So slow that Stiles wondered if he was really into it at all. He wondered if Derek did this just because he could, without really craving it himself. Not that he was in any position to ask. He was effectively muted by Derek's hand.

He could of course try to remove it, but instead he reached down and played with his own cock. After a while Derek increased the speed causing the bed to creak a little and Stiles worried that Scott would hear it. Derek seemed to be aware of this and pulled out. "Come on." He pulled Stiles out of bed and turned him around. "Lean on the sill." Stiles did as he was told and before he knew it Derek's cock was back inside of him. Again his mouth got covered and Derek slammed into him with force.

Stiles was now tugging on his own dick knowing that he'd definitely have another orgasm if Derek just gave him a little bit of time. Derek kept hitting Stiles' sweet spot repeatedly as he increased the speed, he was panting heavily but kept the noise on an acceptable level. It was impossible to hold back. With a muffled whimper Stiles gave up and simultaneously he heard a low growl from Derek as he cummed.

"Oh, God, Oh God." Stiles was about to fall down when Derek wrapped his arms around his waist and held him up. "Let's get back in bed." Derek walked backwards with Stiles in his arms. As soon as they were close enough Stiles practically dived in and pulled Derek with. "I can't believe we did that. Were we quiet enough? I don't even know. What if Scott asks?" Stiles stared at Derek as the guy pulled the blanket over them both. "You think? Oh, but it was exciting, I liked it, trying to be quiet, it was..." Suddenly a hand covered his mouth again. "Stop, please stop."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Looking down into Stiles eyes, Derek felt like an idiot. He hadn't come here for sex. He'd wanted to just hold Stiles in his arms and sleep. No questions asked, no explanation. He just felt the urge to comfort the guy and be good to him.

Stiles stared up at him wide-eyed. It looked like he wanted to say something but Derek kept his hand over the guys mouth. "Shh." Derek whispered before he removed it and leaned in for a kiss. "Don't say anything, go to sleep."

Reluctantly Stiles complied and moved to get comfortable. "Sleep tight." The words came out as a huff before the boy closed his eyes. Derek kept looking at him. He wondered how deep Stiles was into this. He wondered if the rushed and orgasm-induced 'I love you' from Stiles this morning was just a heat of the moment thing, or if the guy was falling hard.

Knowing perfectly well that he couldn't possibly reciprocate, Derek felt he was threading on unsafe grounds just being here. It was just, just. He couldn't stay away.

If Stiles was a werewolf it would make things easier. As an Alpha Derek was free to take anyone in his pack as a lover. Getting involved with a human was not desired. An other issue was that Stiles was technically a minor and the sexual relationship between them could possibly land Derek in jail.

Derek chuckled humorlessly to himself. Jail, no. He'd be chased down and killed. Again he looked down at Stiles' relaxed features. This awkward relationship was going to end him. If their secret got out, he'd have to leave. He'd have to move from Beacon Hills and never come back.

He lied down on his back and stared into the ceiling. Was it really worth it?


End file.
